Smile In Pain ( Jungkook x BTS )

Hopeless

Chapter 3 

"Feeling hopeless and full of despair is  just 

 a slower way of being dead."

.......................................................

Jungkook POV~

I went to my bed and sit on it. I look at the cut that I had just made. Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. I went to the door and opened it. I saw Yoongi Hyung. 

"Hyung? " I said softly.

He gave me food.

"Eat the food, it still hot," he said.

Before he walked away, I hold his clothes. He looked at me.

"Thank you. " I said softly.

" Do you have enough money? " I just nodded my head.

I lied to him because I don't want to burden Yoongi Hyung.

" If you don't have enough money, you can ask me, ok? " he said.

I want to answer but...

" No need to act so kind, Yoongi Hyung. " Namjoon Hyung said.

" Yeah, he can find his own money. " Hoseok Hyung said.

They came near me and push me towards the walls. My back is still hurt. Then, they kicked me many times.

" YAH, If you want money, go find a job. We're not gonna give you any money. " Namjoon Hyung said.

I looked at Yoongi Hyung. I thought he will help me but he doesn't. He walks away from us. I also thought he gonna stop them and bring them with him. They continue to kick me until I fainted.

.....................

A few hours later~

I woke up and realize that I still laying on the floor. My whole body feels so hurt. I try to stand up slowly but I just cannot. I crawl to my room and close the door. After I closed the door, I sit behind the door and cry. Then, the voices are back.

" Do you think Yoongi gonna help you just now? " the voices said.

When the voices said that, my tears drop more. 

" See, in this house, no one cares about you, You are hopeless. They lied to you. They said they gonna take care of you. But all of that is just bullshit. " the voices said.

At the moment, I feel like I want to die. But before I die, I want to feel hows the feeling of being happy. I get up from the floor and slowly went to the study table. I took a piece of paper and a pen. I write a bucket list. The list that I want to do before I die. 

~~Bucket List~~

1. Always smile.

2. Celebrate my Birthday with Hyung.

3. Went on a trip with Hyung.

4. Don't cry in front of Hyung.

5. Die

Every time, I wrote one sentence, my tears became worse. I hit my head many times. 

" You know how to relieve the pain right? " the voices said.

I stopped hitting my head and nodded at what the voices said. I went to the bathroom and cut my wrist. This time I cut my wrist many times. 

1 cut~

2 cut~

3 cut~

4 cut~

5 cut~

6 cut~

7 cut~

8 cut~

9 cut~

10 cut~

I stopped and see all the blood that came out from the cut. I don't feel any pain at all. I feel relieved. While washing the blood, I smile and cry at the same time.

" I am hopeless. " I said to myself.

I went back to the room and saw the food that Yoongi Hyung gave. I ate the food. For the first time, I feel full. 

" Tomorrow is my birthday, do they remember? I hope they do " I said to myself while looking outside of the window.

...........................................

Finished with Chapter 3 of Smile In Pain.

So how is it? So far is it ok? 

~hohoho~

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Thank You.

TT