grief (1)

anger

dear quinn,

i hate you right now. you left me. why? why did you fucking leave? what was so wrong with this world that you wanted to die?

was it me? did i do something wrong? why didn't you stay for me? i guess i wasn't enough for you.

now i have to live in a world without you. without your light. i'm stuck living in the dark.

i shouldn't be alive without you, it's not fair. it's not fucking fair.

how did i not know what you were really feeling? we were more than best friends. i was supposed to notice things like this. you were supposed to tell me.

you made life better and now i can't even smile. nothing is the same without you. you've left a gaping hole in my heart.

i haven't been able to look at the photo book you gave me for christmas. cause it makes me want to get rid of the evidence of you in my life, to destroy the pictures. it just hurts too damn much.

everyone looks at me with pity. they say they're sorry, as if they killed you. when in reality you're the only person to blame, the only person i want an apology from. but you're not here to give it to me.

people talk to me slowly and quietly, as if they're afraid i'm going to breakdown. maybe it's cause i have before.

i hate you for it. i hate myself for it. i hate the world for it.

that was a lie. i don't hate you. i'm sorry.

love, leo