Glorified high ✓

X

Was it giving up or giving in? I didn't know but in the months after I wholeheartedly believed in your optimism and willpower to stay clean and stay boring. Yet time with you was anything but boring after you introduced me to all the ways two young men could pleasure each other's bodies.

Like that time when you made an imaginary tropical island for my birthday, this time you made another one in your apartment, with no need for artificial heat because those summer days were hot enough, sultry, scorching. That world was only ours, hidden, special. I went back to work in some random bakery and you went back studying but other than that we barely left our oasis. We stopped seeing most of our friends, we didn't go to a single party, our only vice was cheap beer and increased libido.

It wasn't like we were hiding from the world, we did go out occasionally. You avoided raves even though you were itching to go dancing. Instead, we went to cool beer gardens or we searched for rooftops where we would draw colourful graffiti on the concrete walls and watch how sunsets bled across the sky. I was so consumed with you and only you that I ignored everything else around me - the world was still there, my family, I ignored them despite their efforts to reconnect with me, my friends, not all of them, but a few definitely didn't deserve to be shoved off like they did something wrong. It's like I never stopped getting high, I only substituted ecstasy with you. Even if we weren't living in the daze of alcohol and drugs anymore, you made me drunk and high to the point of making myself believe that all I needed in life was you.

Windows were left wide open during nights but there was not enough cold air that could cool down our desire for each other. I surrendered to the feeling. I became just a slave to your closeness. Your frankness still managed to steal my breath when you would tell me you were hard for me yet again, but I let you do unspeakable things to my body that I learned to reciprocate soon enough. I loved how desirable you made me feel and it gave me a confidence boost to explore more.

The bedside table lamp would cast warm patterns on the walls as my fingers slid buttons from buttonholes exposing acres of skin, the flat planes of your stomach, the soft hairs of your armpits, muscles of your thighs and those nipples that I would latch on and suck until you shivered beneath me begging me to never stop. You were all man, there was nothing feminine about you except your androgynous face but I would gorge on your body, overindulge until I couldn't breathe and I wanted to believe that nobody ever before or after me would make you fall apart the way I did.

You told me in the beginning when I was still hesitant and unclear about what is happening between us to just stop thinking and start feeling. And I did. We never really talked much about us, we never sat down to have a conversation, went out and called it a date, or asked a question that demanded an answer with the definition of what we were, but you could see the struggle in me to come to terms with the fact that I was now sleeping with a man. I'd have to find a new language for this. Rethink what I knew, I've only been with girls.

One night, as we were sitting across from each other on the windowsill letting the breeze cool down our skin sweaty from humidity and want, you saw my look, distant and pensive and just said, "I just want to make you happy because there's nobody else in the world who deserves it more."

When I finally dared to ask you if you slept with men before, you just chuckled and bit your bottom lip, your hooded eyes traveling down my naked torso, yearning, wanting to taste me again, "Not with a man like you." I shook my head at how your foolish flirting made me feel special.

"I don't know labels, I don't know genders, I don't know colours or borders. All I know is your name. And do you know what other word has four letters and begins with an L?"

I shivered as your words sunk into my cells and your foot casually moved between my bent knees, your toes caressing my cotton underwear.

I was floating, swelling, accepting.

In the hazy heat, a police siren was wailing somewhere in the distance. My heart was soaring, your teeth were scraping against my jaw as you were laughing harder than you had in months, the sound reverberating through my entire being. Then I was on you, stumbling on our way to bed, rolling us around. Soft lips pressing under the cocoon of white sheets, fingers dipping into thighs, breathing words over your parted lips. I was touch-starved, bones inside me were moving like they'd never been used before. I picked up your head, my hands spread wide over your face. So warm. Familiar. And then that look in your eyes, the seriousness of it surprised me after all the boisterous laughter. I pressed our foreheads together and closed my eyes. I felt pure happiness inside my chest. I felt warm and safe and at peace. I felt like I was right where I belonged. I just knew that you were my home as you ran your fingers through the hair at the back of my head.

The next day when I came to your place after work, I found you at your desk amongst the papers and books and assignments, your hair coloured bright yellow, which nobody else could pull off but you. My own personal sun. My golden boy. Your fingers sun rays on my skin. Source of life.

You turned around on your swivel chair to greet me, smiling with childish pleasure and then I saw it.

Covered by a protective plastic foil, on your forearm, in black ink, was one word. Four letters. Beginning with an L. Not love. My name.

Luca.

__________________________

A/N

We found out the narrator's name finally after ten chapters! I was so nervous and wanted the perfect reveal because this name means so much to me. Are you curious about the other name? I may have hinted at it a few times 'wink wink'

I hope you're enjoying their fluffy, sexy times? They are both sober and very much crazy about each other, I just love writing about them being happy. It may have all started unhealthy because Gia died and they jumped in the bed straight after but remember these feelings were brewing for a long time, way before Gia appeared in their lives. 

🖤