The Elixir

~Farewells

The day was a perfect reflection of Xara's emotions. She had awoken this morning to a pewter gray sky, and clouds loom ahead, neither rain nor thunder clouds. But it sits against the monochromatic background of the funeral grounds. The field is a dark, rich brown, carpeted by sparse patches of grass. This deep into the wintertime, grass has a weak foothold. The wind is a familiar caress, and with a little flicker of her finger, it weaves its way through the gaps between her fingers.

She can't muster a smile.

Her dress, dark as her hair, is simple enough. A shift, almost, with a line of pearls along the neckline. Her hair hangs down in a sheet, significantly longer than when she'd begun at Ruxnorth Academy. Her hair had always grown unnaturally fast, and she hadn't had the time to get it trimmed. It brushes her elbows.

The wind twines its way through her hair, around her neck, and wrapping around her neck. Leonah purrs softly, butting her head against Xara's shoulder. Absently, she rubs the griffin's wings, scratching at Leonah's favorite spot.

When winter break had started, she hadn't felt glee, or joy, or euphoria like her classmates and peers. As her grandmother's funeral day had grown closer, all she'd felt had been a gaping pit of dread, swallowing every last hint of happiness into her depths. She could tell her family had been worried about her. She'd tried to be happy for them, not wanting them to have to worry about her while grieving for Alisud. But she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but regret, and guilt, and an all-consuming sadness.

While her mother had wept, openly releasing her sadness, her father and her brothers had hidden it, bottling it deep inside. Cass tries his hardest to keep up the pretense that he's alright, but his eyes betray everything. They always have. Bren is taking it the hardest. Being the oldest son, his ties to their grandmother had been the strongest. He'd always gone to Alisud for counsel, and they had liked to share their afternoon tea together.

But having all of that gone, in an instant? Xara couldn't possibly imagine how he must be feeling. Unlike her friends and family, she hadn't tried to talk to him about his feelings, about his loss. The two of them sit together daily, watching the winter day pass by. Their shared silence is enough.

Dimly, at the back of her mind, Xara wonders when she'd grown up so much.

Facing a sadistic Founder and losing your grandmother all in one fell swoop will do that, I suppose, the voice is her head ponders in bemusement. Lately, the thoughts in her head are all that keep her company. In Ruxnorth, once a loved one dies, a family will close itself off from the outside world, consorting only with close friends and relatives. It's seen as a sign of respect to the one you've lost. So Xara hadn't gotten to see her friends at the Academy, or anyone she could talk to about the Warlord. Headmistress Casktalon had sent her a letter, explaining her sorrow about Alisud, and requesting a meeting as soon as possible to discuss what had transpired in the safe.

Everytime the safe is brought up, or even mentioned in her head, a small piece of her heart chips away. Every night, she's revisited by the memory of the small, rough knife finding her grandmother's chest.

She hasn't allowed herself to even think about what had happened in the safe. Where the Warlord may have escaped to, where the Elixir had floated off to. She didn't have the willpower or even the desire.

When I go back to school for the next semester, I'm going to focus only on my studies, Xara vows. She'd wanted to be adventurous and look where that had brought her.

The procession moves forward, a shuffling line composed of people that are either sad at her grandmother's death or of people who wonder why they're even attending this funeral. A weeping willow tree overlooking the funeral grounds catches her eye. Xara taps on her mother's shoulder. Already, the kohl she had lined her eyes with had started to run.