Unrequited

Chapter 10

Monday morning came bright and shining. I felt full of hope and zeal. I skipped up to the second floor and turned right down the corridor.

But suddenly a frisson of fear washed over me. I ducked behind a wall, safely unnoticed by Ayaan who was chatting amorously with a girl.

My brain was confused but my legs would not take me forward. I hate it as a thoughtful doubt crosses my mind.

What if...just what if he doesn't like it? Kia think about it. I mean...what if things backfire and go spiralling down instead of uplifting your relationship?

But I am pretty confident that he would, it's so beautiful!

WE think so. He might not. But who knows? Unless you go ahead and stand there for him to see you, we would not be able to see his reaction. Soo...what do you want to do?

This was scary. KIRA, my over-smart, over-confident alter-ego, was unsure. Was asking for my permission.

This was just so so messed up. It is unfair. I was so confident just an hour ago and I sang in the shower. But now?

Now I have no idea what this new feeling was. I just wanted to stand in front of him with a smile. And take in his beautiful lopsided smile which was my favourite.

However, my legs felt rooted to the marble floor. I could not move even though I willed to. I hated this doubt. It was selfish, cruel, idiotic. And annoying.

Listen to me, don't go just about now. How about you wait for the right time—

When would that be Kira, when! I want him to see me the way I am. I don't want to lie to him!

Just wait it out. Say three days from now. Then you can go show it to him.

I argued more with my alter ego. People looked at me with worried looks. The expression on my face as I quarrelled with Kira must have been hysterical, because two or three courageous girls walked over to me and asked if I needed help, and if I was fine.

I felt terrible about this but took a turn and entered class from the back staircase.

As I walked in, I reckoned I was a few minutes late and the class was jam-packed. All eyes turned to me as I walked in.

As if the spotlight shone on me, everyone carefully took in my new appearance. Eyeing every detail, making me blush from head to toe. Some guys had their mouths hanging open as they realised it was just me.

Girls gave me the what-the-hell-has-she-done and does-she-think-she-looks-nice-with-that look. I caught some approving grins from my best friends and those were enough.

I sank down on the second bench and the teacher started the class. Everyone started murmuring and Ira, my best friend turned to me with a blinding grin like a Cheshire cat. And my confused brain stabled a little and my heart became all fuzzy.

"Oh, my good god! Kiara you look so smart and beautiful. This just suits you yaar! It's totally you. I swear." She said pinching the soft skin on her throat.

She had pretty, big eyes and a round face. And now I couldn't help but notice her long wavy chestnut hair tied into beautiful French braids. We talked some more and she complimented me.

I didn't meet Ayaan all day. I watched him from a safe distance, in the recess, as he flirted, held a girl by her waist and she yelped with joy, as he casually draped an arm over the shoulders of another girl.

He might have done it without realising, but I could practically see the electricity of joie de vivre that flowed through the girls' body as if they glowed a brilliant blue.

I could feel my heart getting wringed every time he laughed for a reason which wasn't me. He didn't even seem bothered that I wasn't there the whole day.

Or maybe he did and hid it cleverly. At one point I almost puked when I saw him carelessly run his fingers up and down on the arm of a girl. I could see she was twitching to pull him aside and take him on.

She was trying hard to focus but could not. Her eyes betrayed her! I controlled the urge, of pulling Ayaan away from that witch and hiding him in my closet forever, and ripping that girl's arm off her completely, by the skin of its teeth.