Unrequited

Chapter 11

The next day was the same. Stupid boring classes. Hiding from the one person I was dying to meet.

And more bull-crap. As the recess bell sounded, I got up from my seat to go out when I saw Ayaan sweeping the classroom...for me?

He looked my way—my heart did a free fall down into the empty pit of my stomach—but did not see me. Did he not recognise me?

And then he asked one of my classmates who pointed in my direction. I froze mid-stance. I wanted to duck but my body would not oblige, I wanted to die but my age would not oblige, I wanted to go invisible but nature would not oblige. Damn! Damn! Damn!

Uh-oh!

Not helping Kira. Ayaan did a double take, before he could realise what he was seeing. First his eyes went wide, then clouded over.

They became dark, dark brown drowned in some emotion I could not fathom. Was it mocking? God how I wished he thought it funny! He stomped out of class and I followed suit.

"Ayaan wait! Wait Ayaan! Arre!" huff puff, huff puff. He stopped and swirled around to face me. His dark eyes were filled with repulsion.

Hatred and anger as if he had been cheated on. I dismissed all these thoughts and put on a cheerful smile and asked:

"How am I looking Ayaan?"

"Disgusting!", he grunted. I looked from him to a few others who had turned to look at the 'perfect couple' that we had been just few days ago, and back to him.

His eyes showed nothing but fury now. Hatred. Two invisible hands gripped at my heart crushing and smashing and shattering and blowing it off like grenades. My stomach twisted in a funny way as I even then tried to keep it light and make him see.

"Umm...do you...I think it looks cool!"

"It looks horrible on you. After today, don't talk to me. Ever! I am breaking up with you. And as it is, I should have told you this before—"

What did he mean by this! What should he have told me before?

"It was only a joke. I was dared to date you. I wasn't serious at all. I was dared to date you for some days. But now I can't keep it up any longer. Not with you looking like that."

"...."

And with that he just turned and left without so much as a single thought. The hole in my stomach ripped open with a loud trrrr!

The pain slashed my intestines. I bled and blead internally. I could feel it. I felt it run down the open hole all the way down my legs forming a messy puddle.

Big rotten nails of self-loathing dug deeper into the skin withdrawing more blood. I wanted to clutch it hard to stop the metaphoric blood flow but I couldn't.

I stood there paining, hurting, bleeding, looking at his retreating back as he walked away from me in fury. My vision went blurry and hot tears rolled down my face.

I must have slumped down because I could feel the cool marble flooring of the corridor. Every part of my body felt numb, dead. My heart kept stinging as if it were getting pierced by a thousand arrows every passing second.

Get up! Get up Kiara, you're embarrassing us. Get up. We can head home and grieve all you want. Please just get up.

But my own body would not listen to the voice inside my head. I felt detached from myself. As I was watching me crumble into a broken and teary mess from a distance.

I shut out Kira and focused on the classroom door into which Ayaan had disappeared.

"I am breaking up with you, as it is it was a joke. I was dared to date you." My head kept replaying it. He did not even stop to look at what I had become.

My heart had stopped beating for a minute when those words escaped his lips. A lump in my throat hurt and hurt wanting to spill out.

With great effort I stood up and went inside my classroom. The teacher looked me ready to blast off because I was late by ten minutes. But one look at my face and she stopped dead in her tracks.

Her eyes widened ever so slightly, and she eyed me up and down. My classmates looked at me with bewildered looks. If I had strained my ears, I would have been able to hear the hushed whispers:

"what happened to her?"

"Ayaan broke up. Right in the corridor."

"first her hair now her face is a mess"

"oh god her eyes! Is she drunk?"

But I walked on like a zombie and took my seat. The teacher, gathered some courage and asked me if I was okay.

I must have nodded because she continued her class. So oblivious to the heat I felt from the burning volcano of hot lava I had jumped into.

My stomach started hurting and begging for food. I hadn't eaten. Heck! I had stopped eating my tiffin in the recess ever since I met Ayaan, so I could get more time to be with him.

My eyes had stopped watering for some time but they started again, making the ICT board dance in front of me. I felt palms touch my back.

Someone touched my arm. Someone said something trying to soothe me. And I felt even more ornery. People would coo sweet things to my face, sympathise with me, maybe even empathise, try to make me laugh but I knew nothing would work. If anything it made me hate myself more.

What was I thinking! What was I thinking?! Why did I feel that this would go great? Kira was right.

She always was. But I had ignored her the way I had shunned the red flags all the way. She had asked me to wait.

Did she know this was going to be the outcome? It hurt. The hole in stomach was still open wide. I clasped it close with both my arm, wincing at the physical pain.

I lay my head down onto the cool table top and shut my eyes, only seeing Ayaan. Replaying every moment of those mortifying ten minutes.

Him. His anger. Disgust. Me, stupid stupid me. His darkened eyes. Hate. His unregretful break up. No remorse. Just repulsion.

Then...Darkness.