TW: suicide
I was holding a blade in my hand so tight it was cutting through my skin
but I enjoyed the pain because that was exactly what I wanted, pain
and I let all my bad thoughts sink in making it easier to hold the blade tighter then I cried
not because the pain or the constant blood from the blade that was still piercing my skin
but because I failed at so much that I couldn't fix and I made so many people hate me
I took the blade out my hand and the red line made me cry more but I got no louder to be careful no one heard me
I sniffled a little then I started to shake so much pain and I enjoyed it so much
still shaking I put the blade to my neck and thought of all the reasons why I might slide it a cross slow enough to feel it
so many reasons came to mind and nothing came to mind to make me stop so I did it
slowly sliding it a cross my neck enough to feel it my eyes clenched shut I wouldn't let go now
as my last tears shed I laid back letting the music sink in as I stared at the ceiling
so calming so quiet nothing to think about so simple I smiled a little I was fading finally leaving this life
the more blood shed from my arms, hands and neck the less thoughts I had the best moment ever would of course be my last
and I realized this is all I wanted, all I needed was to die a little with a lot of nothing filling up my mind this is everything
