The Valiente to your Castillo (18+)

It all fallls down

Hiii!

Today my whole day was made when a person wrote to me about how much they love my book and it literally made my whole day. Thank you so much! You don't know how much I appreciate it<3

So- this chapter will be rather messy and abusive so this is a warning.

This chapter will contain abuse.
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I can not explain the amount on anxiety I had now sitting on my bed on a Friday. This weekend was thanks giving which meant that the school would close for a couple of days and everyone has to go home.

I don't know how it will be to go home, will Andre tell pápa about me and Evan?

Speaking of Evan, I have not seen him the whole week. He was here on the big exam but then he just disappeared out in the blue. And yes, I did get an A on the exam- it that A won't save me if papa finds out about my secret.

But I can't complain, I literally told him to go to hell but I didn't mean it. But I said that I meant it straight to his face.

Ugh. This is hell.
And I made it for myself, all this is my fault.

But I can't keep myself from admitting that I am developing feelings for Evan, and fuck, is it hard. But all those feelings will need to go away now, I won't be able to be with him anymore even if I want to.

Why do I act like this is my choice? Nothing in my life is up to me.

My family decides what my future looks like, who I can fall in love with and marry, which grades I should get on every assignment and who I should be.

All I asked for was to be with one person that actually made me feel good but I can't even have that.
But this is my life, and I'll have to accept it.
I'm a woman. Men will always feel better than me and look down on me like I'm dirt. My brother will always have more opportunities, more love, and more people that believe in him than me. And that's my life, accept it and move on. That is what I have to do.

But I can't help feeling extremely anxious about the fact that when I come home, Andre is talking to dad- telling him about Evan and me.

Andre went home earlier today to help dad in some meetings. At least that's what I heard, he hasn't talked to me in a week- my own brother has left me alone like everyone else.

Well, Evan leaving me was my fault but he- he is my brother and he left me. Without him, I have no one on my side. My mother is more scared of papa than me and Andre combined and she wouldn't ever dare to help me. And I have no friends, no one.

If papa finds out about us, then I'm done with. Literally done with. They will take everything from me, everything.

Evan's family is not like mine, they are so- normal.
Don't get me wrong- they are still a mafia family with rules and education demands.

But in their family, you are aloud to date who you want, Evan and his sister are equals and in the whole, they are- a normal family and I would kill to have that kind of a family.

On the outside, my family is this fancy, powerful, rich, and perfect.
Because that's the shell of our family that we want to trick people to believe. No, my father wants people to believe.