ethereal || ruelvdijk

treinta y nueve

amara

my heart was beating so fast i could hear it in my chest. i collected myself before typing back.

amara
when? where?

ruel
fifteen minutes, field.

i started to get nervous, but i shouldn't be the nervous one. he broke up with me for gods sake.

***

i drove in silence, i had no idea what to expect. i just wanted ruel back, even if he hurt me.

i made it and parked a little ways away, i saw ruel sitting on a blanket. i walked up to him in silence and sat.

i was met with him. green eyes, pink lips, soft hair. he seemed sadder now, eyes sunken. i didn't even wanna imagine how i looked.

i wanted so bad to hug him, kiss him, to let my love for him take over. i didn't stop loving him, no matter how hard i tried. i would always love him.

"mar." he whispers, his voice cracking. hearing the nickname made my heart grow and crumble at the same time, a tear left my eye. i look down and wipe my eye. "amara i'm so sorry." he blurts out.

"ruel i-"

"no let me explain, please." he says and i nod and stay quiet. "nate thinks i should drop out of school. the day we went to lunch was when he told me. i don't want to, obviously. i have my friends and you there. but he's convinced that something is too much. that's what all the meetings have been about. the day of the show i had a meeting with nate, we got into a fight and he told me to pick school or you. it's stupid i know, he's a dumbass." my eyes go wide, i wasn't expecting that. "i wasn't going to pick, i shouldn't have too. i went to school to talk to you, not break up. i don't know what happened amara i really don't. if i could go back and change everything i swear i would. i want to be with you, i want to be with you until the day i die amara."

i shake my head a bit, trying to wrap my head around all of this.

"why didn't you just talk to me ruel?" i finally ask. "i thought we were past you not letting me in." i say quietly.

"i didn't want to stress you out even more." he says.

"don't worry about me, i want to be there for you ruel. happy, sad, worried, mad, you name it." i say honestly.

"i didn't mean it when i said i couldn't handle you amara." he says.

"i know." i reply and look down. "doesnt mean it didn't hurt." i admit.

"im so sorry." he says again, i stay silent. "amara, i love you. way too much to just let you go." he says and i nod while a tear falls.

"please tell me when you're going through something." i say and look into his eyes.

"i will, i promise."

"because i love you, and i don't like watching you suffer in silence." i admit and see his eyes light up a bit. i decided that i need him, although yes he did something quite stupid, we're kids. and we're gonna do stupid things, maybe forgiving him is stupid. but kids do stupid things, and i've always been told to listen to my heart and right now it's screaming ruel. and that's all i need to hear.

"amara?" he asks questionably. i smile a bit and cup his cheek.

"don't ever do anything like that again." i warn seriously but with a smile. he sighs and takes my face in his hands.

"i love you." he whispers and pulls me to him. i smile and rest my forehead on his.

"i love you." i reply, he smiles and pulls me into a hug. the best hug of my life.

*five years later*

"vows please." the priest says and ruel takes out a piece of paper. shakily he opens it and looks at me.

"when we first met, we were paired for a project where we had to get to know our partner. i've never shown this to you, but i want you to hear it." he says and i already feel tears start to pool in my eyes. "i wrote this when i was seventeen." he says to the audience and smiles at me. 

"oh ruel." i say with a tear willing the spill. he smiles and starts to speak.

"amara flores, even her name is beautiful. those few months ago, when i first met amara i would not be able to imagine being here today. if i'm going to be completely honest, this girl saved me. in every way possible. i could not be more thankful to have her in my life.

she is beautiful, so insanely beautiful, inside and out. she loves with her whole heart, being loved by amara is such a privilege. she's such a soft spoken shy person but when she opens up she turns out to be funny and spontaneous. i told myself that i wasn't going to fall for the new girl from america. but boy was that hard.

now here i am confessing my love for a girl i truly didn't deserve.

my favorite part about amara, besides her heart and soul, are her eyes. you may think that brown eyes are the least beautiful, but you'd be very wrong. i could stare into them all day. when i look into her eyes instantly i know what she's thinking, feeling, wanting. they're so easy to get lost into, i find myself doing so often. she had eyes that told a story, a story of loss, heartbreak, and lust. a story of love and secrets. secrets only some will have the privilege of knowing.

there was so much i knew about her, and so much that i still needed to figure out. there was so much that i didn't want to know yet. so much left to unravel.

amara, the name meaning...beloved, eternal, unfading. amara flores, beloved, eternal, and unfading. my amara...completely and utterly ethereal."

the end

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authors notes
wow, and that's it folks. this was so much fun to write and i just wanna thank you for reading it! i fell in love with writing about them, i had an absolute blast. i know i kinda dropped the whole 'project' storyline but that was cuz i wanted to tie it all together in the end. i hope u liked it hehe. i'm gonna take a bit of a break to focus on my next book, i haven't started writing it yet but i'm excited to start. i hope you can follow me and read that one as well. i seriously love you all, that's it for ramara. please comment and tell me what you think and if you have any advice for my next book, it would mean a lot <3