The Outsiders

The Outsiders: Chapter Eighteen

Soum Menjivar

I could only glare at Khristopher across the large fire as he picked at his food.

            Sonia had said we should take refuge here, seeing as it would be too late to head to the pack and pointless to get to the nearest town. Sitting by the largely lit fire, I picked at the small cooked bird that lay on a small wooden plate. Though I still couldn't understand the magic aspect of the supernatural, It sure as hell did come in handy. Conjuring fire, food, and water, Sonia and Khristopher did almost everything, and Toasheh and I watched them build our refuge.

            Sitting next to me with a small sympathetic smile, Toasheh quietly ate her food next to her wife. With a small smile, I turned to Khristopher only to find him staring into the fire. Maybe we weren't talking out of spite, and maybe I didn't want to talk to him because I was feeling petty, yet he couldn't even look at me. We both hurt each other and lied, yet neither of us wanted to back down from our pride. Even as pain bubbled underneath my skin, I ignored it, taking an aggressive bite of meat.

            He was crazy to even think I would just let him kill himself. Even if he was doing it out of selflessness, I couldn't handle the thought of losing him again. What if one day it'll stick, and I would never see him again? Maybe I just wanted the simple domestic life I was used to? Maybe I just hated the feeling of uncertainty, especially when it came to people I care about? Maybe I just wanted to cuddle and forgive him for everything!? It wasn't that easy. He made a large decision without asking me for a different view on it. A decision large enough to kill him, it was a decision he should have brought up weeks before now.

Shaking my head, I tossed everything — including my plate — into the fire. Walking towards our tent, I sat by the small flap, sighing as I stared into the night sky. Stars glimmered in the deepness of twilight, glistening through the thick clouds. Holding my knees with the constellations above me, I could only remember my mom. She wasn't religious, but she always read mythology to us. Stories of the world and the stars: mom told the story of Achilles and Athena, of the netherworld or the underworld. She always read with the biggest smile, turning the pages with enthusiasm.

With a small smile, I could only remember her cuddling up beside me, reading about Soteria: Goddess of salvation. She was the first to awaken my calling, Soteria. After every heartbreak, trial, and tribulation, I made a bow to myself to protect those who I loved. Though I left my pack behind, though I left my life behind, I knew I was doing this to protect them. Even if it pained me to think of them, so far away, I knew it was for the better.

Holding myself in my arms, I reminisced on my pack, my family. Their smiles, their laughs, and their cries played in my head like a cassette tape of pure memories: Maddy and Matty's first day of school, Mom's birthdays, my birthdays, my aunts and uncles, my time at school, my first day at work. With tears in my eyes, I squeezed them shut, hoping to feel everything like it was the first time it happened. My life with Khristopher wasn't going to be the same, but I only hoped there would be a day when we didn't have to worry about the world. I only hoped there would be a day when we remained in the outskirts of chaos in each other's arms, maybe with a kid or two.

Wiping my eyes, I rested my head on my knees. With a small sigh, I turned my head towards the fire, watching Sonia and Toasheh smile together. Holding each other in their arms, they talked and talked, uncaring of the world around them. With a shaky breath, I turned towards Khristopher.

His eyes were already on mine, yet I quickly turned away from him.

            Midnight dawned over the tatters that were The Rouge Clan's village, I wasn't ready to sleep next to Khristopher, and as I expected, neither was he. Loitering by the embers of the fire, Khristopher picked at his fingers. Sonia and Toasheh had bid their goodnights, disappearing into the tent. I tried to resist the longing I felt as I stared at his back. Missing his silky hair, his light warmth, and his small sighs, I grumbled against my knees, tossing a rock into the grass.