The Outsiders

The Outsiders: Chapter Seventeen

Khristopher De Caldwick

Burning my bodes with the flame of remorse, our embrace lasted eons in my mind.

            As Allard's words lingered in my head, O could only nestle into Soum's chest. All of this pain, this hurt, this agony for nothing, for news I couldn't comprehend. I hurt the one person who was genuine with me, who trusted me, who wanted my company. Betraying his trust and deceiving him, even plotting against him, I didn't deserve even the dirt underneath his fingernails. I did what I feared he would do. I was irrevocably despicable. Tightening his hold around me, I could only let my tears wetter his shirt.

            Muttering my name and brushing his fingers down my hair, Soum came undone. I caused this, his hurt, his anguish. For I wasn't better than anyone in the Cauldron, I could only watch his pain unfold before me as I basked in self-pity. A fool, a fiend, a fake, I was the blubbering buffoon. Soum was perfect, the closest mortal being to perfection. He was strong, compassionate, and kind; proving to me that not only did I not deserve his affections, but I also didn't deserve to taint his presence any further. Though I would have run once again, his tight hood around me and my indescribable longing for him kept me put.

            "A-are you okay? A-are you hurt?"

            Soum wiped his tears to survey my body, running his hands down my back. Trembling with sorrow, I shook my head before collapsing in his arms. His touch, his warmth, his scent: Soum was my addiction. My water, my sustenance, my oxygen: Soum was my everything. Running my palms over his shoulders and his back, my sobs shook my body. Before I could fondle his back further, Soum took my face in his hands, caressing my tearful cheeks.

            Once our eyes met, my world stopped. Littered with betrayed concern and angered sadness, his bright eyes seemed fuller than they would usually be. Glossy with tears and bloodshot, Soum's eyes were broken. I broke him.

            "W-why, Khristopher."

             His hands began to tremble against my face as tears fell from his eyes. Gulping, I could only stifle my pitiful cries as I stared into his broken eyes. I didn't deserve his mercy. Hell, I didn't deserve to explain the reasoning for my retreat. I could only thank our bond for his forgiving nature, yet I knew it went deeper than that. Letting my tears fall from my cheeks, I felt Soum wipe them away, awaiting an answer.

             "Why!"

             His yell shook my body as he cried, sobbing and wheezing. I couldn't speak as I stared at him. A broken, sobbing, distressed, concerned Soum wasn't a sight I wanted to be used to. Placing my hands on his m, I gently removed them from my face, squeezing them in my grasp. I knew I had to be blunt and express everything I had thought. A single tear streaked down my face, and I didn't let Soum brush it away.

            "I'm useless and weak and a fool. I've only known a life where it wasn't a need to express my true emotions. It took me years to open up to Toasheh and Sonia, so w-when he first met, I was scared of caring for someone and letting said someone in so quickly."

             Gripping his hands tighter in my hold, I gulped back my fear as I stared into the grass. Soum's scent calmed my nerves, yet I couldn't control the tremor of my hands or the shake in my voice as I spoke. I could only explain — with enough substance as I could muster — why because that's what he asked.