As I Fall

Four.

Alex on the side ››››››››››››››

I watch him come over and sit right next to me, a scowl etched on my face.

"You're her brother?" I can't believe that thing was related to such a sweet girl like Alex.

"Oh yeah babe. I'm her twin." He smirks down at me while scooting closer to me.

"Ashton, back off. She's my only friend and I don't want you scaring her off too," she warns.

Ashton just shrugs and shifts so that his arm falls over my shoulders. I yank his arm back and let out a small scream, getting a sharp pain in my upper back. It must be from the slam into that wall earlier. Alex stares at me in shock while Ashton looks worried. "Sorry, I just think I have a bruise on my back and his arm hit it," I explain.

Both Alex and Ashton relax a little but still seem tense for the rest of the lunch period. Once the bell rings, Alex leaves and Ashton offers to walk me to class but I deny, saying I have to use the bathroom.

I step into the bathroom, locking the door before lifting up my shirt and looking at my back in the mirror. I winced at the sight of my back. It looked terrible. If only I didn't have a stupid asshole as a fa-

My thoughts were cut off when I heard a quiet gasp coming from behind me. I looked in the mirror to see Alex looking at me in horror. Damn it. How did I not hear her?

"Oh my gosh Skyler! Are you okay? What happened to your back? Oh my gosh. Do you need an ice pack? How did that happen? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

Remind me never to go to her in a stressful situation.

"Alex, I'm fine. I just fell out of bed this morning and landed on the floor really hard." I could tell she didn't believe me, but she dropped the subject and dragged me out of the bathroom with her.

The rest of the day went by surprisingly quickly. Before I knew it I was in my car driving to the car shop to get my baby fixed.

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Ugh. That mechanic is such a pervert. Every time I look up, he's trying to stare down my shirt. Gross.

With a sigh, I sit down on an empty seat in the back corner of the shop, and start to crush some candy.

"Couldn't get enough of me sweetheart?

I yelp and jump up, turning to look at the asshole who scared me half to death. Of course, it's Ashton. "Bloody hell, asshole! You almost made me pee my pants!"

Ashton's face soon turns red as he tries to keep the stupid smirk on his face and keep in his laughter. He finally let it out and when he stops the melodic sound, a small smile is forming on my lips.

"That's not funny!" I attempt to sound serious but I'm failing miserably if the look on his face tells me anything.

"Okay sweetheart, whatever you say."

"Whatever, I'm actually waiting for my uncle to pick me up for your information. Not that it's any of your business," I say smartly. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here princess. I just got off my shift and was about to go home when I saw your pretty face," he tells me with his signature smirk.

"Well, you can go now you saw me so b-" I was cut off by my phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Skyler? Is that you princess?"

"Yes Jake," I say with a smile on my face, "you are the one that called me."

"Yeah yeah. Anyways I'm really sorry but I can't get off work to come pick you up. I asked but my boss refused 'cause I got a meeting to go to," he says wearily.

"But Jakkkeeeee," I whine. "How am I supposed to get home?"

"Well you could walk or hitchhike. It's your choice. I got to go. Love you princess."

"Love you too Jake. Bye." Well shit, what am I going to do now?

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Ashton took me home.

No matter how much I begged to just let me walk home, he insisted that he take me home.

"Sweetheaaaarrrrrrttttttt," he drawls. "Can you PLEASE change the station?" He whines, exasperated. We've been listening to my old school rock playlist off my phone for the last 15 minutes. My house is still about 5 more minutes away so I have more time to torture him. Mwahahaha!! Apparently he's not a fan of Nirvana, Queen, or Areosmith.

"NO. Man up. You're the one who wanted me to ride with you in the first place." That seemed to shut him up.

"So... who was this 'Jake' you were talking to on the phone?" I guess I spoke too soon.

"That's none of your business" I reply curtly.

"Ooooo, Skyler's got a boyfriend Skyler's got a boyfriend!" He taunted.

I sent a swift punch to his arm, "Shut up asshole. And no, actually he's my Uncle."

The rest of the ride was quiet and uneventful, thankfully, and it wasn't until we were a few blocks away from my street that I thought about what I was doing. He can't see where live. What if he tells his sister and she decides to come over randomly? What is Dad were home?

"Stop the car."

He complied and I hopped out of the car, saying thank you before beginning my walk home. It didn't take me too long before I got home, stripping my clothes (save for my underwear and bra) and sitting down on my bed. I didn't feel like going to the gym today.

I wonder who the friend is that Dad's going with is. He's never mentioned family much less friends to me other than Jake.

As my mind slips deeper into darker thoughts I get the familiar feeling of needing some sort of release.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't give in.

Fuck it.

I walk over to my dresser and grab the blade that's sitting on the smooth surface. I walk to my bathroom and sit down after popping some pain pills. I don't give myself time to contemplate what I'm doing before digging the blade into my hip, watching as blood flows down to my thigh. I don't even wince like I used to. I feel the familiar feeling of relief washes through me as I continue to mare my skin with marks. A lot of people don't understand why self harmers do what they do. For me, it's a reminder. It's a reminder that I'm still alive, and I can still feel emotion. Even if it's just pain.

Why is my life so fucked up? Why me? Isn't there a good out there who cares about any of us? Why do I have to sit here, slicing my skin open with a blade in order to feel any relief? Isn't there anybody who cares?

Fuck you brain.