What You Don't Really See About Me

Levi One

     I've never understood the minds of other humans. They're just so strange. But can anyone truly understand them? I feel as though they can't. Everyone is different so why try to categorize them? But society makes it so we tend to categorize people. Like I, myself, am categorized as "popular" at the school that I go to. Popular is suppose to be a flattering title but I honestly could go without. It's not something I've wanted. It just kind of happened; it managed to stumble upon me. I don't know why but people seem to be drawn to me. I can never understand. I seem as such a plain person, that's my view of it at least.

     I've tried not to care what the rest of the people I know think but I really do. I mean, who can just completely ignore what people say when it feels like they're yelling in your ear to be perfect?

     I try to appear like I don't care. It seems like it works. But I think some people have started to catch on. I'm not so sure I'm the best actor. It's been so hard because I just haven't felt like myself. I might be depressed........but I'm not one to just assume that I am and I am too afraid to actually be told by a professional that I am depressed. I don't want to knowingly have something be wrong with me. I don't want to be one of those guys. I don't want to feel broken and like I'll never be fixed because it is something inside of my brain.

     If I never find out, I'll never know for sure. I am content with that.

     Maybe I'll address it when I'm older.

     It is halfway through my junior year. I am wish that I were a senior already so that I could leave my shitty school. I'm tired of it all. If people really knew what goes on in my mind, they would probably find me odd or something. I sometimes just pretend like I'm oblivious, for that reason. I don't want to be viewed as a weirdo like people such as Nate Peters, Shawn Malen, Makiah Beckstead, and Rachel Call. People that I'm around, have basically made it clear that we should not associate with people like them.

     Although Nate, Shawn, Makiah, and Rachel are considered weird, I still don't hesitate to smile at them when I pass them and they're looking in my direction. I'm not a complete asshole like most around here, at least, I don't think I am. I would pretend to be but I can't to everyone. Some people see through it.

     There are a few girls who I think are attractive but there are none that fully catch my attention and keep it for long. For that reason, I just try to keep to myself, in that department.