At Least We Had a Happy Parting

Chapter One

        My life has always been a little box of sunshine. It's always bright and warm, but small. So small that it's can only hold a couple more years until all the sunshine dies out and nothing is left.
        My father is an ambassador for Vanheim, one of the Nine Realms. He always ends up bringing me back souvenirs every time he visits a realm since he knows I am in no shape to travel.
        My mother was a Light Elf from Alfheim, she and my father loved each other and it tore my father apart when she died at childbirth. Not because of me though. One of my fathers enemies cursed my mother which made her to weak to withstand childbirth. That curse was then transferred to me as an illness. 

           My father thinks I am weak because of this, and I am. The curse is slowly weakening my heart, a dark curse. Dark magic was forbid long ago even before I was born and I'm almost 1,057, but that didn't stop the caster from killing my mother and cursing me. My father never mentioned what he did to make a person use forbid magic.
           About 483 years ago my father asked my permission if he could remarry, saying he found the perfect woman to be a stepmother for me. He said he loved her and I did not believe him. I was hesitant at first but then said I would give him my blessing. Even though I know he can't love anyone but my mother I want him to be happy. If I'm to die I don't want him to be alone.

          She is a lovely woman, my stepmother. Nothing like the books from Midgard, she cares for me. She is like an Aunt; fun, loving, rebellious, cunning, beautiful. I am glad I can call her my stepmother. She is always there for me when I need help or support when father isn't there. When she goes shopping she always thinks of me and what I would want even though I always tell her I need nothing. When father comes home she plans a whole day just so we can all hang out together. I dare say I love my new mother. She's filled a void that only consisted of death.

         My father and her had a child. My sister, beautiful Theodora. She has my fathers green eyes and pointy nose, she has her mother's golden hair and high cheek bones. She will be gorgeous when she grows up. I just wish I could be there to see it happen. Theodora is only 583 but I can tell she will be smart and kind to all. I love playing with her but it's hard, it's not that it's strenuous to keep up with the little sprout. It pains me to think I won't get to see her grow into a beautiful blossom. And that aches my heart and causes me pain. I never found out what curse I had and I don't know if father has found out but not told me but my emotions effect me. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear: they all make my heart fell like it is being squeezed and I can't breathe. Like my chest is collapsing, I try my best to keep my emotions in check. When I don't I pass out from the pressure and end up sleeping for a while.

         Usually I've been sleeping more due to this curse. My whole life I wanted my father and I to have a family, and now that we have that. I'm going to leave it, I know I can't last long and I don't want to leave my father to mourn. But I am very glad I get to see how his life will grow without me. But I must do something he won't agree on, that is why I must ask mother. I don't want him to watch me grow weaker every day. To go into a sleep more frequently then I use to. I want him to focus on Theodora and his wife, they are his future while I am his past.

       Last night I asked my mother a serious topic that I was sure she would say no to, which she did. Until I told her my reasons. I asked her to arrange a marriage in another realm. A marriage not by love since I can not handle that but a marriage of alliance. Since my father is an ambassador I have a high enough position to for a weak but present connection between the realms. I told her to find someone that won't grow fond of me, someone that won't mourn my death. Someone who doesn't care about the girl but the bond between realms. I wanted to used as a trade, no strings attached.

         I told her how I can not bear to see how much I will miss while I'm no longer her and in Valhalla or Hel. How it pains me every day. And she sees it too, she sees how much I fall to sleep under the curse. How I can barely go a month without spending half of it asleep. She promised not to tell my father my true intentions of leaving but to say I found a man, that I wish to wed. I trust her, she will find the perfect man. I will watch from afar, even if I have to look through the vail to see Theodora grow up and get married. While my Father and Mother cry as she forms the bond uniting her and her true love. Something I will never get, even if I weren't to die soon I am pretty sure my heart couldn't handle a true love. True love is happiness, the strongest most painful emotion. Happiness can cause anger, fear, sadness. Happiness, if not careful can turn into all of the emotions and tear me apart.

And that is something I can not handle

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