Chapter 4
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” - Oscar Wilde
Amara
The sun was about to set when I look outside the window. It's a very beautiful day and I hated it. This is all wrong. Everything is too happy and I feel like screaming out loud, telling those happy faces that their happiness won't last long. I want to tell them that someday, they'll be just like me.
"I know I shouldn't be asking this, but why do you look so mad?" Niall asked, almost timidly, earning a glare from Liam.
"I don't know. Maybe because my whole family is dead?" I snap back at him.
"Exactly! You should be sad. Not.." Niall trailed before taking a good look at me.
"Oh my God Niall, shut up!" Liam hissed.
It's unbelievable and totally unexpected. I mean, we're in Nandos and I'm still mad and dead. Every time I step into Nandos, I used to have this happy vibe over-powering me like some sort of drug or alcohol. It's crazy, I know, but this time, it's different. It didn't cheer me up like it used to. Even after I took a bite of its freakishly-too-delicious chicken, I still have that dead and heavy feeling inside me.
"I'm sorry" Niall mumbled, bringing me back to reality.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped" I sighed before gulping my can of Coke.
"It's just that.." I trailed before scratching my head in confusion. I have no idea how to explain it to them. Even if I do, they won't understand it.
"You feel like it's the end of the world for you. Everything seems to be so unfair that you feel like God is playing a joke on you. You're not mad because of their death, you're just mad that you don't die along with them" Zayn mumbled, looking at me straight in the eyes.
"You keep on blaming yourself. It's like all you can think of is possibilities, the 'what ifs'. You feel like hurting yourself so that you'll feel the same way they did when they died, but at the same time you're mad at reality for being too-" I stopped before taking a deep breath.
"Realistic" I breathe out.
Louis who is on my right side, put his arm around my shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. The boys and I were really close back then when Zayn and I were dating. They're like my older siblings and I'm like their little brother. I refused to make them even think of me as a sister because I hate girly stuff and I act more like a guy. Hell, I don't even really act as a girlfriend to Zayn. Our 'dates' usually goes on with both of us playing some stupid video games or watch an epic movie. We don't even call it 'dates' actually, because we do exactly the same thing we did when the other boys were around.
"Okay, how about we don't talk about this anymore" Harry said, letting out a loud sigh. I nod in agreement. The more we talk about my dead family, the more I feel like killing myself.
"So Harry, tell me about your colorful love life" I said, turning to face Harry who is sitting on my left side. The other boys just chuckle at my words. Harry shook his head disapprovingly before giving me a glare.
"You know how I'm not into magazines and gossips, but apparently, I have friends who do and won't stop talking about it sometimes. So Harry, Taylor Swift huh? Be careful mate, she'll write a song about you when you guys break up" I said, pressing my lips together.
"I heard she already did" Zayn said. That's the first thing that comes out of his mouth that sounds cheerful since I met him at the hospital. The others before these are all sad and- dead. Wow, I say that a lot these days.
"What did you do to that poor girl?" Louis asked with a shock expression while putting his hand on his chest dramatically. Harry just returns it with a glare, but I can tell that he's trying hard not to laugh.
"I also heard-" I stopped before turning to face Niall who is sitting in front of Louis.
"that you are hitting on Demi Lovato" I said, giving Niall a teasing smile.
"Yeah, but she turned him down. She told him that she won't be dating anybody for a whole year" Liam said, patting Niall's back.
"Bummer" I mumbled, earning nods from the rest of the boys.
"We heard something too" Louis said, looking at boys before taking a good look at me. I look at the boys suspiciously.
"We heard that you've been spending a lot of time with the TW boys" Niall said, glaring at me.
"You mean The Wanted?" I asked them, randomly.
"How dare you speak of that name!" Louis shouted, covering his ears. The boys shook their heads disapprovingly at me. I gave all of them a questioning look before I continue talking.
"Yeah, I mean, they're really cool and stuff" I said before catching Louis mumbling something under his breath.
"Owh yeah, your little Twitter fight!" I said, slapping the table.
"Well, I think it's your fault" I continued, looking at Zayn.
"What? How can it be my fault?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.
"From what I've heard, you started it. Max is just tweeting something about being geeky and then you jumped in out of nowhere" I said with a shrug.
"That is true" Harry mumbled with a smirk.
"Come on mate! Which side are you on?" Louis leans in front to make sure that his glare is visible to Harry.
"I also heard about the breakup" I mumbled, looking at Liam.
"Yeah, I guess this is all too much for her. The attention, the tour- everything. I want her to be with me, but I respect her decision" Liam said, letting out a loud sigh. My first thought after he said that was, it sounded way too cheesy than I expected it to be.
"This breakup is not easy for her too, you know. Seeing you on tv, listening to your voice on the radio- it's hard for her. At least, that's what she told me" I said, playing with my fingers.
"She called me only recently" I continued. Before any of the boys could respond to me, my phone started to buzz inside my pocket.
"Wait a sec" I said before pulling my phone out and answering it.
"Hello?" I said, looking at the boys to found them staring at me.
"Zara and your parents' name are trending worldwide on Twitter right now. Is it true? They're really.." my best friend, Alice, trailed into silence.
"Put it on loudspeaker" I heard a faint mumble from the other side of the line.
"Where are you? Please don't do anything stupid. Damn, it's impossible man. They really are.." another best friend of mine, Kajal, stopped before she could say the word.
"Dead? Yes, they're dead" I said, earning glances from the boys.
A part of me feels glad that they called, but another part of me feels like screaming and yelling at them for calling because it brings back the pain, the madness- everything.
"We're sleeping over at your house tonight. Is that okay with you?" Kajal asked.
"Yeah it's cool with me" I mumbled before saying my goodbyes and hung up.
"Is everything okay? What's that all about?" Zayn asks, biting his lips.
"Just another reminder that my parents and my sister are all dead"
A/N - Hello sexy people!! How are you? If you are reading this means that you’ve reached the end of the fourth chap so thank you so much for that!! Give me suggestions or complaints maybe? :S at (@FunnehMonkey) ... Fan, Vote and Comment!!! :D xx
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