TommyInnit never cries

big men don't cry

tw: cursing 

        suicidal toughts

        sewer slide

tell me if there are more

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Tommy never cried.

He didn't cry  when he got manipulated.

He didn't cry when he got betrayed.

He didn't cry when he died.

He never cried. Everybody knew that. Tommy was always his happy, loudmouthed self. Even after everything he went trough, he stayed himself.

They were all wrong. So incredibly wrong.

It had been a long time since Tommy had cried but after he got revived, he cracked

He broke. 

He couldn't take it anymore. 

When he got home that day, he collapsed and broke down sobbing uncontrollably not stopping until he fell asleep. Nobody was allowed to know. Because then everyone would know he wasn't a big man and big men don't cry.

But would big men even consider doing what he was going to do?

Probably not. They would stay strong but he had accepted it. Accepted that he might be a child.

A teenager.

Tommy was standing in the water. It reached his waist. He was waiting for the sunset to paint the sky in beautiful colours. He at least wanted to die with a pretty view. 

sunsets 

Tommy loved sunsets. Not because they're pretty, but because they reminded him of better times. Times where he and Tubbo were just sitting on a bench, their bench, watching the sunset and talking. Talking about life and futures they would never have. Normal teenage boys living their lifes.

Those times were gone now and Tommy was tired.

So fucking tired

and so alone.

People had tried to be there for him after his revival but Tommy knew they were faking. There was no way they actually cared for him. Right? 

Not after everything they did to him. 

There was no reasons he should stay. 

Most of the people hated him anyways and the people that had cared, replaced him.

He couldn't be mad at them tho. Tommy knew that he had caused some trouble and started some wars. They deserved better than him.

But it still hurt knowing that nobody needed him to be happy.

So here he was. Cold water surrounding him. It was kinda ironic how water had saved his life in exile. When he had wanted to jump but now it would do the opposite.

Tommy wasn't scared and that's what he hated the most. He should be scared. It was death after all but he felt ready. 

Ever since the 'prison accident' he felt out of place. It felt like he wasn't supposed to be in this world. It felt like the universe hated him for breaking the rule of staying dead. The rule that had been made long before Tommy was born.

Long before the DreamSMP.

Long before everything.

Another reason he shouldn't be here. Even the universe wanted him gone. Everyone wanted him gone, including himself. He deserved it.

He shivered. The water was cold but the empty feeling he felt deep inside of himself was colder. The sunset was almost there. A smile spread across Tommy's face. It was almost time and then he would be free. He would never have to fight again. Nobody would hurt him. It would be over.

He smiled again.

"Tommy?"

fuck

He knew that voice too well. Tommy turned around and made eye contact with Tubbo for a second. He quickly looked away, looking everywhere but Tubbo's eyes. This was not part of his plan. He wasn't supposed to see.

 "Tommy what are you doing?"

Tommy took a deep breath and finally made eye contact, hoping he wouldn't have to say it out loud. Hoping Tubbo would understand.

Tubbo's eyes were wide-open, as if he understood. 

"Dad? What's happening?"

Tommy hadn't noticed Michael and Ranboo were there too.

Great. Just great. More people that would watch him die.

He took one step, feeling how his body got more surrounded with the water.

Another step

"Tommy, stop!"

Tommy could hear how desperate Tubbo sounded.

Another step

"Tommy please!" 

His head was the only thing that was still above the water. He hadn't broken the eye contact he had with Tubbo. Tears formed in both of their eyes but trough his tears, Tommy smiled.

He smiled for the last time.

"I'm sorry."

One last step.

The water consumed him and somewhere in the distance, he heard Tubbo screaming.

Tommy had wanted to die watching the sunset but seeing Tubbo with a family that could make him happy, was better.

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wc: 747

thanks google translate for being such a good friend. Hope I made people cry.