I Miss You Like An Addict | On Hold

Chapter 1

Dear You,

You always tell me that you loved the stars in my bedroom, I always told you that I loved them more when the lights are off because that's when I can actually see them.

They glow really bright and you always wondered how they looked so real and then you look outside you wonder if they look the same. But then you feel like your closer to the stars here than out there.

And then it's like you remember one of your happiest memories or maybe you just loved looking at the stars, maybe they reminded you of something. Like a moment right underneath the stars.

Whatever it was, it made you way too happy, your eyes were different. They looked lively and all that love was shining through them, maybe they just twinkled underneath the stars or it was just from smiling way to much.

But it's not like I'm complaining, I loved your smile. I loved that you could always make me smile back. You had that contagious thing going on and I loved it because I couldn't stay mad or sad. You were the highlight of my day and the joy in my life.

I always loved you under the stars, we had a moment, moments, special ones, that I'll never ever forget and it will always stick with me right to the end.

I'll never regret meeting you and I wish- I wish I'll see you again and not just in my dreams. Who knew I would have missed you this bad. This bad that I am here reliving the memories I had with you.

And it's nice because I feel like I'm on drugs, high on you I guess, more like high in my head. Well it's a good thing that my therapist talked me out of taking drugs, she told me the harm it could do to me and what not.

But I don't give a fuck.

I smoke now by the way, almost took cocaine once maybe heroine but I think I was drunk at that time so I don't even know. So yeah I changed, dyed my hair too, dark blue with a little bit of red at front, just went wild with it.

And I started defending my self. If I wasn't so withdrawn maybe I could have been a bully but no one likes a bully. No one.

My closet is now filled with dark colored clothes, mostly black and I absolutely love it. Sometimes I feel a little bit goth but that's ok I don't mind.

They don't make me stand out like others would and you know how I hate the attention that's why I always observe.

It's weird how I went from writing about stars to writing about myself, I apologize I got carried away but anyways enough about me, how about you, how are you doing.

I mean this won't even reach you but it feels good asking so I asked. Well I need a smoke and I'm tired of writing so this is it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna write anymore after this because I'm not even sending them anyways so why bother.

It's weird I can't stop thinking about you, I just seem to can't let you go and I don't even know what you look like anymore.

Yours truly,
Nic.

Ps: sorry for not using your name, it's just that my therapist said that not thinking, saying or writing your name will help me forget you somehow.