I Miss You Like An Addict | On Hold

Chapter 6

Dear You,

It has been a week since I've written anything. I needed to ensure that I had my head screwed on right and right now I guess you could say I'm better than before.

After that letter I knew I had somethings I needed to change, I knew there was a lot to work on and I needed to get it done as soon as possible.

Obviously I am a work in progress and I'm not even sure if the progress has already started.

What I do know is that I feel much better, after I wrote that letter I knew I didn't want to go back to where I was so I didn't write, I tried my best not to stay in my room for too long, put on some happy music.

I made sure to distract myself with something, anything. I started doing homework again, actually focusing in class.

Somehow staring at the sky and the stars actually helped. I forget about my thoughts and just use my eyes to look at the beautiful scenery around me.

My therapist said that I needed to find someone who is my own age that I can talk to on my own level. I told her that I would be fine on my own because what are the odds that I begin to depend on someone else and go through all this again.

If I do this on my own then the only person I'll depend on is me. The only person I can blame is me.

Depending on someone else is not it, it would be good, no lie, to have someone I can lean on but I think what I need is self growth. It's obvious that what I need is self growth, work on the issues I have, face them as experiences as what not to do again.

This feels like I am going through rehab , like I was addicted to a living being that I was very addicted to. I was a devoted and a loyal dog that couldn't do better than depend, follow and do what was told.

But I didn't view it that way, I was happy that I spent most of my years with you. I loved that I knew someone that could make smile without pulling an effort.

I loved the fact that I felt the emotion called love. For you it was more than that, it was companionship, friendship and among other things.

It felt right and now I feel like I have come to terms with the fact that your gone and I'll never see anymore. I'm not angry, I'm not sad.

I wish you a happy life, good memories and good food. Where ever you are I hope you are doing well, better than me I hope. Just know you are the best thing that happened to me.

Who I'm I kidding, I should the worst thing, but it was also the best, seriously. I had lots of amazing times with you and bad times too but the pass is the pass.

I'm over it and I'm definitely over you.

Yours Sincerely,
Nic.