If Only I Could

Chapter 1

2 weeks later.

"Goodbye Sir Dev!"

I smiled as my students bid goodbye and I turned off my laptop because the last class I needed to teach just ended. I was about to leave the classroom when a student called my name, making me look back. "Yes? Is something wrong?" I asked, almost immediately. She looked hesitant, so I approached her and put down my laptop bag on a chair.

"Advance happy birthday, Sir." She muttered, making me smile. "Thank you." I said to her, I asked if she had any concerns or if she was going through something, and when she answered with none, I made my way back to my laptop bag and fixed my glasses and walked out of that classroom.

Not expecting a surprise the moment my right foot got inside the faculty room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR DEVIN!" "SATURDAY BUKAS SIR, TARA TARA TARA!"

I smiled and slightly bowed as I thanked them for the greeting and even the cake they had prepared. I put my bag on my chair first and opened it, looking for my phone. "Kung available po kayo bukas, feel free to come to Shakey's at 3pm onwards." I said to them.

The faculty room was again filled with cheers and messages of gratitude from my fellow teachers. "Naks, dapat rinecord yun, minsan ka lang mag tagalog." Sir Bri jokingly said. "Ilang taon ka na Dev? If you don't mind me asking." Ma'am Dinah asked. I smiled and told her that I was already 24 years old. Some even said that I was lying when I really wasn't. It was 2021 and I was born on the 30th of September, in the year 1997.

"At first glance I thought you were 21 or 22." Ma'am Sara muttered as she gave me an envelope. "Happy Birthday, Sir Dev." She added, which I replied thank you to.

I went back to my table and began fixing my things since it was already 5:15 in the afternoon and I was going to attend the mass again today, and I had 15 minutes left. Luckily, I didn't have any papers to bring with me today since I had already finished checking my students' quizzes the night before.

I bid goodbye to my fellow teachers and went out of the faculty room and walked along the corridor. I logged out and bid goodbye to the school's security guard and instead of walking directly to the church, I went first to the parking lot and put my bags inside my car and locked it once again, before making my way to where I would usually go and sit, the left wing.

Luckily, the altar servers were still outside and talking amongst themselves, meaning the mass had not started yet.

I settled down on the right end of the backmost row and made the sign of the cross and afterwards, wiped the beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

"Oh? Ikaw ulit?" I looked at the woman seated on the row in front of me. 'What does she mean by that?' I thought to myself, unconsciously furrowing my eyebrows.

"Andito ka rin last friday diba?" She asked again. 'Last friday? Ahhh.' As realization dawned on me, I smiled at her. "Nakangiti ka na. I guess you remember me now?" I nodded as an answer to her question. "My apologies. I'm a bit forgetful." "You don't need to apologize. It's okay." She said and then smiled at me one last time before she sat properly and looked at the front, since the mass was already starting.

It went on and I was thankful that I was able to focus on the mass. But right before the priest could give the final blessing, he asked for those who were celebrating their birthdays to go to the center for a birthday blessing.

I hesitated. But the students who knew me kept on looking and signalling me to go to the front. The woman in front also turned to look at me. "Go. Birthday mo pala." She said, I breathed out and started to walk towards the center and along with a few other birthday celebrants, we received the blessing and the choir even sang a happy birthday song.

I walked back to my seat and the priest gave the final blessing and the mass had come to an end. I walked to the parking lot and got inside my car. I started the engine and I drove away from the school with the feeling of fulfillment making me smile. But as I was about to drive outside the huge gate, I saw a familiar figure waiting at the sidewalk.

I stopped the car in front of her and then lowered my window. "Oh? Birthday celebrant, hi!" She cheerfully said. I smiled before asking her where she was headed, and upon hearing, I realized that it was a bit near to our house, so I offered to drive her there.

"Eh? Sure ka? I mean, I'm a stranger." She muttered. I explained that it was okay and even informed her of the distance. In the end, she got inside and sat on the passenger seat."Teka, hindi pa 'ko nagpapakilala diba? Uhm, I'm Jannie. Jannie Alvior." She introduced. "Ikaw?"

As if on cue, I had to stop because of traffic, giving me time to tell her my name. "Devin Lagdameo." I said to her. I realized she was holding out her hand for a handshake, so that's what I did. "Teacher ka?" I nodded once again. "You must've heard my students earlier." She nodded as she answered. "Medyo malakas rin kasi boses nila kanina." She added, making me chuckle. The car in front of me finally moved, so I started the car once again.

"You?" "Alam mo yung bar na malapit lang din doon sa simbahan?" "Bar? Oh Quench Corner?" "Yup! Yun nga, I'll start managing that next week." "Oh wow, congratulations.""Thank you."

Just like that, the conversation ended and with a single right turn, we arrived at her place. She got off and was about to close the door when she called my name. Well, not necessarily my name because she called me Dev, not Devin.

"Ay wait, okay lang ba? Kakakilala palang natin tapos nickname mo na agad ang tawag ko sayo." "Don't worry, you can call me Dev." Upon hearing my response, she smiled. "Buti naman. Jan na lang rin itawag mo sa'kin kung gusto mo. Thank you for the ride, Dev. And happy birthday." "Sure. No problem.""Ingat sa pag drive. Bye!""Bye. See you again when I see you.""Mhmm, you too."

She closed the door and I made my way home with a smile on my lips. As I got home and parked my car, one of the helpers was about to clean it when I stopped her from doing so after seeing her other hand wrapped in a bandage. "Pero sir Dev trabaho ko--""No. You're already injured. And I had that cleaned earlier. You can rest." I told her. I fixed my glasses and even reached for her salary which was inside my bag since I withdrew some money from my account earlier. "Here."

After that, I went inside the house only to see my brother taking off his apron. "What have you been up to?" I asked. But instead of a proper response, he cursed at me. "The fuck, Devin lagyan na ba kita ng bell para lang malaman kong nandyan ka? Bakit ba ang tahimik mo? Pati paglalakad mo walang tunog."

I could only laugh at him. "You act as if you aren't used to it." I finished taking off my shoes and afterwards, made my way to my room. I changed into more comfortable clothing and went down to the dining area.

"You're still here?" I said to my brother, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me. "I'm here because it's your birthday and we are going to celebrate." "You know I don't drink alcohol.""Sinong niloko mo? Should I remind you about that one night during your second year in college?" I raised both my hands in surrender. "We're already celebrating tomorrow, why celebrate today?" "Because your birthday is today. Now quit asking questions and eat dinner already. We're leaving at 8pm sharp."

My brother, Kevin Lagdameo is now the successful owner of the most popular publishing house, KLISTON. He rarely has time for celebrations like this, same as my parents. That's why I got used to not celebrating my birthday with anything extravagant. I'm not even a fan of those kinds of celebrations anyway.

"By the way, Dev, are you free next weekend?" He suddenly asked while I was chewing on my food. I kept on chewing and swallowed it first before I responded to his question. "Why?" "You'll find out later."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why can't you tell me now?" I asked before taking a spoonful of food into my mouth. "Surprise nga." "Fine. But if I'm not surprised, you are going to pay for my car's gasoline."

That simple remark was able to make my brother roll his eyes while he put down his phone. "Kung hindi ka lang pagod kakaturo sa mga estudyante mo binigwasan na kita kagaya nung dati."

All I could do was chuckle. After all, he made me remember what it was like when we were still children. After all, even if he was three years older, I used to act as if we were the same age. I didn't really address him with 'kuya' at first, I think that started when I was 5 years old I think. "By the way," I muttered, gaining his attention. He was seated on the chair across from me and I saw him look up from his phone. "Ano?""You know the bar we used to go to every Sunday evening?" He nodded. "I met the new manager." "Ay talaga?""She even greeted me with a happy birthday." I added. "Great to know you're socializing again."
"Hey, it's not as if I don't socialize."

"Who are you fooling Devin? You always refuse going to your co teachers' birthdays because you don't want to talk to people."

"Because people annoy me."
"News flash bro, you're a person."

"I'm annoyed by me too."

Putting his phone on the table, he looked at me while his other eyebrow was raised. "Yung Sir Devin na sikat sa mga estudyante ba talaga kausap ko ngayon? Yung Sir Devin na nakakuha ng pinakamataas na rating sa buong Junior High School na hawak niya? Bro until now I can't help but tell my friends about you." 

I took a sip from the glass of water near me. "And, come to think of it, you are so good at hiding your other job. You're a well-known teacher and a well-known writer too. I'm jealous." He jokingly said the last part and even laughed a bit after, but I knew he wasn't entirely joking.

"Stop that. We're both successful." I said to him. Compare to my relationship with my parents, my relationship with our mom was a bit better than the one with my dad. Until now he hasn't really accepted that I didn;t choose the healthcare field. Meanwhile, my brother doesn't have a good relationship with either. Because as he is the eldest, he was expected to follow the path they took.

And that's only one of the reasons why our family rarely gets together, because of some feud caused by the absence of understanding and acceptance. On his behalf, I even tried talking to our parents, but that didn't change anything.

Changing the topic, I talked to him about his business. Every month, they would have a new writer and their works would be published under them. I think by now they have 110 writers. I actually thought of that topic because talking about his current job made him smile. And even though my brother was annoying, that doesn't mean I'll let him feel down without doing anything.

After the talk, I finished my food and washed the dishes before I went back up to my room. "What exactly are we going for? Casual? Formal?" I asked him, since he was leaning on the doorframe while I looked through my clothes. "Grabe. Ang linis talaga ng kwarto mo." Not the answer I was expecting.

"Casual. Hurry up, hintayin na kita sa sasakyan." Was the last thing he said before leaving me alone. I sighed as I couldn't understand my own brother. Where exactly were we going?