Never wished for you (Camren & Norminah)

Chapter 39: all the thing she said

Maybe it was jealousy or maybe it was pure instinct, however the only thing sure was that Camila herself didn't know.

As soon as their lips touched everything was gone, at first Lauren was surprised but she didn't push Camila away she did the exact opposite, she welcomed the brown eyed girl and kissed back.

This kiss wasn't supposed to mean anything but it meant everything to both of them just in different ways.

Camila knows she might commit the biggest mistake of her life, but for once it didn't matter, all the things that matter was Lauren and their moment .

She caressed Lauren face and looked into her eyes as they finished kissing.

She couldn't help but wonder is this love or just something new? All her life she thought what she felt with Shawn was love but now whatever she is feeling is different, so different that she doesn't know if it's good or bad, the only thing she knows that she needs it in her life.

Nevertheless her heart desired answered so she looked at the only place where she could hope to find some:

Lauren's eyes

Their face was inches apart, both of them immersed into each other, someone searching for answers and someone hoping it's not a dream.

"Am I dreaming?" Incredulously asked Lauren, making Camila smile a little at her innocence

"No" said Camila softly giving her a gentle smile, at this moment she didn't even care she was supposed to be mad, the only thing she knew, everything that is happening is wrong at the same time the best thing that could ever happen to her.

The feelings she is wondering she never thought she could have ever found it, but as soon as she looked into Lauren eyes she found the answer to all her questions.

There is something so pure about Lauren that she doesn't know herself if she should risk or not, Camila knows she is toxic for Lauren, sometimes she does it so Lauren will leave her but as soon as Lauren is even near to that though she goes crazy.
The past traumas Camila has been through is not easy to deal with and Lauren is aware of that. I'm

Each time She could see the pain Into Camila's eyes when she let her inn although as soon as she became a little closer she push her away.

It's difficult for both of them, Camila needs to accept the reality of her relationship with Shawn as Lauren need to be honest with Camila about her mom.

They both are in wrong just someone more.

"Don't do this to me Camila " with a broken voice Lauren manage to say

It might be a dream come to true what just happened but both of them are aware of the actual reality

Camila closed her eyes looking at Lauren saying this

The same eyes which hold so much love few seconds was now full of fear, she can't help but feel like the monster that had formed inside her will never let her live nor Lauren peacefully and if she decided to stay longer she will destroy this beautiful human.

She opened her eyes letting the tears fall and looked at Lauren again and slowly whispered "sorry " it was the only thing she could say, the more she looked into Lauren's eyes the more defeated she felt.

As she couldn't take this anymore, Camila get out from the car, finally letting all this emotions she was holding for years to let go.

When something bad happens we are not only effected that day but everyday of our life, some people find a way, some scape and some people like Camila try to ignore it, not actually giving the time to heal themselves.