𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐔𝐒𝐊

44. 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗲

TALKING HAS NEVER BEEN ESZTER'S STRONG SUIT. The mere thought of expressing her emotions has never been something she felt comfortable doing, and that was primarily due to the idea of not wanting to spoil another's day. Eszter had her few shares here and there, finally admitting to her concerns and feelings, but it would often leave a heavy feeling on Eszter's chest, placing the witch in a dark space.

Huffing a deep sigh, Eszter slugs her shoulders before she crosses her arms across her front, rubbing her arm in a way of comforting herself. The witch kept the space between her and Peter, and when he tried to step forward, Eszter would take two steps back. Still, Eszter knew she was in no shape to be around any of her friends because she proved it by hurting Beck. After all, she wanted him to suffer; Eszter hated Beck for lying to Peter and using his vulnerability to his advantage, which irked the witch. Being the protective person she is, Eszter felt the need to protect Peter. However, Eszter finally realizes that she needed to protect Peter, Michelle, Ned, and Flash from herself.

"Eszter . . ." After a moment of silence, Peter finally speaks up again, gaining Eszter's attention; the witch looked at him with a broken stare, breaking Peter's heart because as much as he wanted to comfort her, Eszter won't allow it. "E . . . come on . . . you gotta talk to me. Whatever you're going through, we can work through it together." Peter's eyes were glistening with tears, and his eyes were a near blood-shot red. "We're supposed to be a team, remember? Partners-in-crime. Boyfriend and girlfriend." Waiting for Eszter to respond, Peter was devastated when she remained silent. It hurt. "Eszter, please."

Eszter wipes her eyes when she felt a tear slip down her cheek, trying to hide away her emotions, but the witch knew she couldn't. It was emotionally draining holding everything inside and eating her away, and Eszter has seen it first hand when she let her anger get the best of her. She wrapped her arms over her chest, hugging herself as her eyes could barely hold Peter's gaze.

"I did something that I . . . really regret," Eszter bobs her head strongly, pursing her lips when she can feel the sob wracking in her chest. "I can't take back the things that I've done and the things I've said. I--I haven't been myself lately, and honestly . . . I don't even know who or what I am anymore." Eszter swings her arms out, letting out a shaky laugh that felt forced. "I hurt everyone who ever cared for me--I hurt you, Mj, and Pepper; I scared Ned. If you want the truth . . . I'm not okay, okay? I never was. Not since . . ." Eszter voice cracks. "Not since Pietro died. I buried this so deep that I thought I was okay, but I'm not."

"E . . ." Peter frowns sadly, disappointed in himself that he barely acknowledged Eszter's feeling from the very beginning.

However, she continues. "I'm sick and tired of playing this nice girl for everyone to like me, but I'm not. Okay? I'm not this--this hero that I wanna be because all my life, I had done nothing but mess things up," Eszter's lips tugged open into a bitter smile, but deep down, the witch was frowning and hating herself. "I can't help but pity myself because of the shit I put myself through. I can't help but overthink everything because it's just something I grew up doing. I don't deserve my friends because they believed in me, and they trusted me with their lives, but I went and stabbed them in the back." Eszter rambles from the heart, unable to stop herself now. She felt free.

Peter shook his head, already crying. "No, no. E, don't say that. Don't you dare say that," he closes in on Eszter, and though she steps back, Peter reached out and stopped her. "Stop acting like you're going to hurt me--!"

"That's because I would!" Eszter cries out in despair. She pushes Peter's hands away, staring at Peter through her glassy eyes. "And I did! I hurt you, Peter, and it annoys me that you're not angry. I just want you to be mad, to hate me, something!" Eszter shoves Peter with each cry, but the boy remained unfazed by each hit because he was too busy crying with her. "Stop acting like you're not upset with me because I can feel how you feel about me!"