the discover

the girl with the soft voice

It was a cold day, or at least so I remember it was the day I realized that there was something wrong with me, something new that I probably didn't think I could feel enough to make me believe that I was slowly losing my ability to manage my reasonableness.
my gaze was locked on the raindrops that fell incessantly on the windowsill, colliding with the cold glass and thus causing a soothing noise that aided my spirit's journey to places far from where my body was engulfed.
An icy shiver struck my spine making me jump from the cold that touched my skin like the sweetest of caresses, slowly bringing me back to concreteness.
The sounds in the background in the room were covered by the noise of the silence that echoed in my mind, in the meantime I gradually became aware of what was happening in me and I hated it terribly;
I hated not having power over myself, I hated not having power over my body, I hated not being able to control my emotions, it was as if they were making fun of me, making me drown in their restlessness.
I shook my head almost trying to brush them off me, but obviously, it failed miserably;
This time my mind was so focused on one particular sound, almost melodious, to the point that it felt so real and close that I almost stopped imagining it.
That voice was the only one that could not communicate at all but tell everything at the same time, that harmony that caused in my chest the irresolution that had nestled with time, slowly allowing the nefarious memories to vanish with the wind that hovered carrying with it the experience.
A divine specimen, made up of pain and bones, that's what it was, on the other hand it was just like me;
she was plagued by an incessantly excruciating disease that burned in her chest, flaring up and attributing ancestral lesions to that exaggeratedly mistreated but sometimes substantial organ which is the heart.
What was I?
I was a stupid woman, as far as I could tell, I had wasted the little time that the universe took part in my birth, completely destroying nine months of hard work for the creation of my heart, tormenting myself with my own memories, destroying myself .
We would have been perfect together if only she hadn't been the perfect person who happened to be with inopportune timing.
I could not take my gaze away from that hazel brown eyes that reflected in her almost dull eyes, as I felt my breathing suddenly become more labored due to a sudden acceleration of the heartbeat, so, I thought it was the most imperfectly perfect creature that I had never seen before.
I hated not having great explanatory skills, I hated being too worried to try, I just hated that I couldn't show how much I really cared about her, although she would never know and this was what caused me the most pain, the fact that if she ever experienced that wearying feeling of sadness I could only watch her earthly body vanish and drown with the crushing and demeaning reality that would surround her, while the rest of the world would laugh at me for failing to save her. I turned behind myself in the hall of the school, looking at a particular point, searching for the innumerable time her gaze in the crowd, because even when I knew she wasn't there, I would have turned to look for her.
It was just as strange the moment I realized that it would not be so easy unlike all those people inside the room, who slowly watched me crumble like grains of sand before their eyes as I tried to resurface the pieces, closing my eyes and imagining to wrap herself in my arms while the only noise that surrounded me was the sound of her heartbeat going rhythmically with my breath, making me relax slowly and prepare myself again for the harsh reality.
We were simply two imperfect beings with perfect flaws who could have loved each other so imperfectly enough to create something perfect, us.
"Miss Aird?" her voice brought me back to reality.
"Oh? Abby." I looked at her with a small smile as her eyes dragged me along.
"Is everything okay? You look tired 'she said, and from her tone of voice she seemed almost worried, this thing made my heart heat terribly, I knew I fell in love with her from the first second I saw her, but in that instant I realized that nothing could have changed the way I saw her, simply the most innocent and sweet person I have ever known.