Spelivia , an All American fan fiction

Chapter /21

LIv POV:

Day 1 : Dear diary, I don't really know what to put in here other than what happened today. Nothing really happened, and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing for myself. I know that I didn't allow my mind to wander to a scenario that we would end up together. But I thought we would at least last longer than a month. Being here with him for the rest of the week shouldn't be that bad if everyday is going to be like today. I can do this diary.

I put the pen down on my desk as I latched the ribbon around the journal. I never really understood how writing down what you were feeling could help, but I do now. I knew that I wouldn't be able to confide in Spencer as much as I had been, and I needed a healthy alternative instead of suppressing my feelings. I'm glad that I was able to help myself and not have to ask someone else for the answer.

Day 2: Hey diary, it's pretty late almost 3 AM to be precise. I don't even know how we got here but I fucked up and I did it royally. It all happened really quickly and some of the lines were already blurred between us from this morning. In summary , we had breakfast together diary, and I know how it sounds, when you read that knowing our history. But he made a bowl of cereal and all I did was cut up some fruits. It really wasn't a long conversation, but in that convo there was a blurred line. When we were laughing at something, I reached over and held onto his arm to steady myself because I was falling over. I don't think he took that the right way, as he put his hand on top of my own. I quickly straightened up and removed our hands wanting to diffuse the situation, but I knew the damage was already done. He thought I trusted him again, but the honest truth is that I don't. The hard thing is , how do I tell him this in a nice way without making the rest of the week awkward and tense? I guess time is the best teacher no?

We walked away from each other every night, but I always feel like he has to tell me something. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and go ask him if he's ok. I know he won't say anything unless I dig for it , with us not being as close as we used to be I know he might've only gotten worse at expressing himself. We both know what it's like to lose your lifeline, we were both that for each other. But I do care about him , at a distance though.

I heard a knock on the door, making me double check that I wrapped the fabric around my journal. I pull open my second drawer of my dresser, putting the diary away from prying eyes and enclosed it there for the time being. I got up adjusting myself and checking my hair, before I opened the door. Spencer was leaning on the door post , looking at the ground, but as I took a second glance I saw the slight bruise on his right brow that was faced away from me. I slowly put my hand towards his face, but he retracted himself away from the touch before it even met his face. 

"Don't" He said quietly, "I just came to tell you that I might not be at the house for a few days. Coop's back in town and I'm going to spend a few days with her at there's. Do you think you'll be okay alone for a day or two? Or should I just invite her over here." He asked quietly with his head still bowed down. I don't know why since I've already seen the bruise, but I guess he's got to see it through since he started this way as well.

AN/ "Gots to see it through my boy!"

"You don't have to go to her's with that bruise, you can go if you want after I bandage it. I know you won't clean it before putting a band aid on it, so let's go." I said with no discussion in my voice knowing that I had no other way of speaking to him now. 

It's like I don't know who he is anymore. 

I can only assume how he got the bruise, but immediately my mind goes to fighting. I know he used to have his anger controlling his life before, but he's gotten better about that as well while being here. Another reason he was able to overcome that obstacle, he was taken out that environment. He was able to grow and learn from his experiences with adversity. 

Even though it wasn't my place I still asked, "What happened Spence?" hopefulness in my voice, but I thought better of it just shaking my head when he instead of giving a verbal answer just shrugged his shoulders. 

Okay, so it's been determined. I don't know who he is anymore, just like that, in the span of two weeks.

"Don't worry about it, you're patched up now. Goodnight" I said swiftly turing around. I'd never want to be somewhere that my presence isn't wanted. I make a beeline for the stairs as he doesn't move. I take a quick glance back at him and see him looking out of the window.

Almost longingly, but nobodies keeping him here.

"Go if you want to I'm not your responsibility anymore, so don't worry about me. Have a good few days and send Coop my love , miss her these days." He looked back at me with an unreadable expression before nodding and closing the gap between us.

He walked past me, but turned back around to kiss my cheek quickly mumbling into my skin , : "Miss you these days to Liv." before making his way back up the stairs.

Well fuck. 

I miss you too.

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So sorry about the wait for the chapter, depression has been kicking my ass. Thank you for all the support ~

find a reason to stay, because you're needed in this world.

-Steph