Spelivia , an All American fan fiction

Chapter>22

Spencer POV: 

 I hate this feeling like always, the feeling of defeat. I've felt it many times in my life but it never gets easier. 

When my dad left, never came to my first football game, lost a football game, when I injured my arm , when I got shot , when I stuck out like a sore thumb at Beverly, but this was the worst one yet. 

I disappointed Olivia, the one I wanted and pined after this whole time. 

Life is full of surprises I guess.

Walking towards the closet for the millionth time it feels like, grabbing another change of clothes. 

I hate being indecisive. Just choose an outfit already.

I decide on a black MTV printed hoodie with ripped light wash jeans. Generic outfit of the year and this took me thirty minutes? A waste of time like always.

Putting the finishing touches and double checking behind myself in the bathroom for the necessities, I zip up my bag and head down the stairs. I walk into the kitchen grabbing a Powerade before I put my bag on the table. 

I should probably speak before I leave, I don't want our last conversation to the one from earlier. 

Can you see how my pride is nonexistent for you Liv? When it comes to you, I'm willing to be the bigger person. I'm willing to be a better person, because you make me better. 

"Olivia? Where are you?" I asked walking out into the patio , I see her sitting in the pool reading a book to the side. Taking a small breath in , I walk closer just to make sure that she can hear me when I speak. Hoping this time that we can be on better terms I take off my slides and sit down, only knee high in the pool. 

"I'm about to head out. I didn't want our last conversation to have a bitter ending like it did earlier. Is there anything you need me to do before I leave?"

Looking at the hard back cover of her book, I can tell that it's a romance novel. I love that she's so open to fairytales and happy endings, someone who's been through all of what she has usually isn't. But she's always been different hasn't she? Surprised me every time I thought differently of her.

"Um, could we talk really quick? Or is your ride outside already? Sorry about earlier." She said suprising me once again.

"No I have time, I don't know how to really start this though. I just want to say that I'm sorry too, for everything not just earlier. I accept your apology about earlier even though is was both of our faults. We shouldn't have let this tense atmosphere in the house stay for this long. We should have had this convo a week ago. "

She nods closing her book, but not before placing her bookmark in the spot she stopped at. Cute.

She takes a quick breath before speaking quietly, " I know I haven't been the most reachable or approachable person the last few days and for that I apologize. I speak and preach about communicating, but when I'm put in the situation where I have too I blanked. I shouldn't have boxed you out like I have been or made it awkward every time we were in a room together. I will take responsibility for what I did to hinder out relationship , to make it where we can't even look at each other for more than 5 seconds."

I nodded knowing it took a lot for her to confess her self, and admit she was wrong in doing somethings, but I realize that this may lead down to a safer road, where we can at least be friends again. I would wait for her either way though, the question is whether she knows that I would. She's unreplaceable in my eyes.

 I wished on a star somewhere near that she would realize.

" These unexpected days have fucked with me over and over. I would replay our short conversations if we even had any that day. I wanted to make things better but I don't know how. I don't know how to fix this broken bridge between us. But that doesn't mean I don't want too, I want to be happy. You make me the happiest, my best everything is with you how could I just let that go in a week? There's no way Spencer. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to you. " She spoke even softer than earlier. I looked into her eyes as she spoke this time, but it was as if she was hiding her face. 

She turned the opposite way, but I still heard the hitch in her voice as she got to the last part. I believe her and everything that she just said was her truth. I know that she may not feel the same when I speak, but I at least have the all clear too.

" Olivia I want to have a chance to make this right between us. I want to be able to have your trust again, I want to be that knight in your eyes again because I know that I can and will be that person for you. Maybe I will make some mistakes, but were both human and this is real life. I want to see the better and good side of us rather than this. I hate feeling timid and indecisive on whether I should talk to you or not. I don't want to be on the fence with my feelings and I believe you shouldn't either. I know that were both stubborn , but we love hard. I don't know if you're there yet, but I love you with everything that I have Olivia, I know that there is no one else for me. I don't want them if there is. God doesn't make mistakes, and he always pick the prettiest flowers. Olivia your the whole greenhouse. "

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A/N : sorry is all I have to say. About everything