chapter>17

1.4K 17 7
                                    


Spencer POV:

The first thing that ran through my head : Shit how did she find out? And who told her?

"What was the purpose of even telling me you have feelings for me if you knew you were going to leave and be forced to forget them anyway? How could you do this to Jordan, to my mom , me? We all took you in and trusted you with everything we had! We tried to make this house feel like your home away from home. And we did all of that for what? For you to go behind all of our backs and do this stupid shit. WHY aren't you saying anything? Stop looking at me like I'm crazy when YOU made me this way!" her eyes by now were blown impossibly big , I don't know how I was looking at her but I put my head trying to avoid anymore things that we could argue about.

"Liv listen , I don't know why I told you about my feelings okay? I panicked and when I texted her I wasn't in the right headspace. I came across her after the press conference at Crenshaw and it all just sounded so peaceful and stress free. You of all people know how much stress I have to deal with in my regular life, but I don't want that to interfere with my performance on the field. -"

She took a step closer pointing her index finger in front of my face only a few inches from my nose, "Oh for fucks sake , your so full of shit Spencer. How did you manage to make a deal like this thinking only of yourself when doing it, life isn't always going to be peaches and cream. Sometimes you have to fall on your ass, and other times you'll just trip. Either way a fall is a fall, and you might not have others their to pick you up , sometimes all you'll have is yourself. DEAL WITH IT! Nothing is ever going to be fair, nothing in your life has been given to you, your a hard worker why would you salvage that credibility for a few weeks or a month tops of calmness? "

I raised my head back up not knowing what to say to her, but feeling like in this moment I needed some type of connection with her since in the long run I won't have one at all.

"Liv-"

"It's Olivia, to you anyways it is." I blinked rapidly at her ,  for the first time she put her head down wiping her tears just to raise her eyes back to mine a few moments later.

I could physically see the betrayal in her eyes, the hurt but it was another emotion I couldn't place. That in itself scared me the most, not knowing her like I used too. 

"Olivia, if I could speak ?" I asked softly sitting down no the edge of the bed, my foot aching from standing in the same position all of this time.

"You spoke all that you had too when you texted that woman from Crenshaw. I don't know if I'm dreaming , but I have a gut feeling that I'm not. This is SICK Spencer. I don't even want to look at you right now, but I'm supposed to suppress that just because you want to speak?"

"Liv-Olivia that's not what I'm saying you know I care about you deeply. Everything that I have always done has been for other people and I just wanted to do one thing for myself."

"SPENCER I completely understand that you know I'm the same way, but that's BULLSHIT. When you need alone time you go to the mall or take a walk not verbally sign a contract to drop off the face of the earth for the REST of the summer. That's something you just don't do."

Her angry face making my confused expression turn into a scowl , "Are you telling me what to do with my dream? You know football is the only thing I have-"

"You had ME SPENCER! You've ALWAYS had me. No matter what shit we got into with our exes we would always have each other. I deserved to know! We all did , everyone involved. You should have sat us all down and got our opinions on it! We could have came up with a way to help you. We all love you and it's wasted now."

"Well, you don't have to worry about wasting anymore love on me if that's how you feel."

"You missed the whole purpose of my response. Why would I waste love on you? I could never, I've been nothing but honest with you, which is something I thought we'd have in common. But now that I know we don't there's no need for me to keep explaining myself."

I furrow my eyebrow at her confused on where this conversation was heading, at least a few minutes ago I knew something.

"What does that mean? "

"For us or everyone else?" She asked easily avoiding the question. 

Fuck, I'm so screwed either way I go. I know that she knows now and even if I turn back I don't know if I'll be able to have her trust back. Is her trust worth my dream? The sacrifice of feeding my family 10x over?

At this point , I don't know I just need to clear my head.

"Both, I don't know what to do with either right now."

"Well let me help you out with the first one, were done. Thank you for finally showing me that happily ever after's are bullshit and that all men do is lie. As for the rest of them , I don't know. You decided to do this on your own, you'll figure it out on your own as well. I hope all goes well and that in the end you do what's best for you." 

I could feel my heart stop in my chest , every word that came out of her mouth felt like 12 needles being pushed into my heart all at once. 

"What do I have to do?"

"I don't know , just sit everyone down-"

"No. Olivia , what do I have to do to get you back?"

She looked at me , her eyes going glassy for a second before she masked it stepping around the bed towards my door before softly whispering over her shoulder ,

"Nothing to be done Spencer." And with that she walked out of the room closing the door softly behind herself. 

There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me to follow her , but I won't invade her space more than I already have.  She just needs time to think before I talk to her again, everything will be fine. 

Right?

--------------------------

a/n: Not edited , but happy new years and merry very late Christmas! 

You are loved and cared about , stay safe during these tough times! :) 

-xo, Steph 

Spelivia , an All American fan fictionWhere stories live. Discover now