The Adventures of Wesley and Philip

Chapter 6 Heroes (not) welcome

"I'm trying to get me a snack. Not being chased by hot horny murderous females makes me hungry,"- Poofy

I honestly couldn't see Philip being the savior of our universe. On the other hand, I couldn't even see myself saving the multiverse and yet I still did it. Anyways, we all decided that we would stop to get something to eat at Crossroads Bar and Grill. A lot of people don't know this, but going on a big adventure will make a person hungry. Caleb, Enoch, Poofy and I hadn't forgotten what happened last time we were there, but we were willing to risk trouble if it meant we could get our hands on some delicious burgers.

"When we go inside, can I get me some apple juice?" Poofy asked.

"No!" Caleb and I yelled. We both knew what would happen if Poofy was to get his hands on apple juice.

"Can I get buy some off brand Smarties?" he asked. We all thought hard about it before we finally told him yes.

"What type of food can you get here?" Philip asked.

"You can get anything that they normally serve in both the Ganitie and Pusibowl regions," Enoch said.

"I have absolutely no idea where the hell those places are," Philip responded.

"Ganitie and Pusibowl are regions from this universe. Did you know that almost every universe has regions? One of the big reasons they have regions is because of the different sizes of all the universes. Take Everscape for an example. It is a universe that contains only one planet, which is why both the universe and the planet are called Everscape," Caleb said, explaining stuff to my brother who didn't even know what Caleb was talking about.

"Hey Caleb, you better run. The cops are coming to pull you over for going past the nerd limit," Poofy said to him. Caleb picked Poofy up and threw him into a puddle.

"You guys are very mean to that stuffed animal," Sarah told us.

"Yeah guys, he's just a helpless stuffed doll," I said.

"Hey fatass, why don't you chase a doughnut on a stick," Poofy yelled to me, drying himself off.

"Are you going to let that toy talk to you like that?" Philip asked.

"Just wait Philip. One day I'm going to throw that stuffed animal somewhere that he can't get out of," I whispered to him.

. . . . . . .

When we walked into the bar, every conversation stopped mid-sentence. Everyone began to look at us. I hate it when awkward silences happen because of me. Suddenly, everyone went back to what they were doing.

"Well that was weird," Enoch said as he walked towards the same booth that he sat in when I first met him. I watched as Poofy ran towards the counter with some dimensional currency in hand. The rest of us headed towards the booth Enoch sat down at.

"What do you guys want? I'll pay for whatever you order," Caleb asked.

"I'll have a Zantorian sandwich with a side of Puffnog cubes," Sarah said as Caleb pulled out a piece of paper and began to write down our orders.

"I think I'll take a basket of Bizam nuggets," Enoch replied.

"How about you guys? What do you want?" Caleb asked me and Philip. We both turned to look at each other and then we turned to look back at Caleb.

"We'll have a Coke," we answered. Caleb nodded and walked towards the bar. While we waited for Caleb to return with our food, we decided to do some small talk.

"So Enoch how's Olivia?" I asked.

"She's been doing well since Zoey started learning to walk," he replied.

"Who's Zoey?" Philip and Sarah asked.

"Zoey is my daughter. I haven't been able to spend much time with her since she was born. Olivia mostly keeps Zoey to herself," Enoch told them.

"I think love is a great thing. What do you think Wesley?" Sarah asked me, catching me off guard. Before I could respond, Caleb returned with our food and drinks. It all looked very good. We started to dig into our food as fast as we could. About five minutes after I finished drinking my Coke, I felt the urge to go to the bathroom.

"Excuse me while I go use the restroom," I said as I got up and moved as quickly as I could towards the bathroom. After I did what I had to do, I washed my hands. While washing them, I looked up towards the mirror to see a demonic figure standing behind me. I turned to look behind me, but there was nothing there. I turned back around just in time to see hands reach out of the mirror and grab my head.

"You and your friends are in terrible danger, leave now before you meet your doom lard ass," the demon thing said as it smacked my head off of the mirror.

. . . . . . .

"Wesley, are you okay? Do you feel alright?" I heard a voice ask. I opened my eyes to see Sarah standing over me.

"I feel much better now," I said, yawning. Sarah smiled down at me. Wait a minute, where was I? I looked around and saw that I was in the middle of the bar. Everyone was watching me in a very weird manner. I got up as fast as I could.

"Sarah we need to get out of here," I told her.

"What are you talking about?" Sarah asked when all of a sudden, the lights went out and bad guys busted through the doors to the bar.

"Why does this always happen to us?" I cried. I moved Sarah out of the way just as a bad guy shot at us.

"Sarah, I need you to get the others to the van." I told her as I began to run off.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I am going to do the hardest job. I'm going to find Poofy," I said as I made my way through the bar. I decided to look behind the counter, in case he might be drinking apple juice straight from the bottle again. Sure enough, he was behind the counter but instead of drinking apple juice, he was snorting what looked to be crushed Smarties.

"Poofy, are you kidding me right now?"

"All hail Big Jim Fluffington, the greatest drug chemist to ever live," Poofy said as he fell over laughing. He was definitely high.

"I don't care if you're high or not as long as you don't bite my face off," I told him as I picked him up. Suddenly, I had an idea.

"Hey idiots, catch!" I yelled as I threw Poofy towards a bad guy. Poofy began attacking the guy until he threw Poofy at some other evil dude. The process began to repeat itself as Poofy went from one bad guy to the next.

"Hey Wesley, we need to get the heck out of here," Philip said as he grabbed my arm and dragged me with him. For a guy who's smaller than me, he sure is strong. We made our way to the van as Enoch opened the back door.

"Hurry up and get in!" he yelled as Philip and I jumped into the van.

"Where's Poofy?" Sarah asked.

"Just wait a couple seconds," I told her. Right on cue, a guy with Poofy on his face came running out of the bar. Poofy jumped off of the man's face and ran towards the van. The second he got in, I closed the door.

"That guy's face tasted like beefy jerky," Poofy said. I didn't even want to know why Poofy was trying to eat the guy's face off. All I cared about was getting the hell out of there.

"Caleb, I think it's time to go to that storage facility you were talking about," I told him.

"You make a valid point," he said as he turned on the van and drove usas far away from the bar as possible.