The Heart of Adoption

Longing

Today, like every other day, I lie on my bed and think about how I wish I was living a different life. A life of popularity and friendship. A life filled with anything other than what my life consists of, loneliness.

Its not like I, Lilly Thomas, live by myself. I have my parents, but they don't exactly fill the void in my heart. I am an only child in the middle of nowhere Kentucky. I am homeschooled and have maybe talked to three kids my age, ever. Thats not exactly the definition of social.

My family lives a simple life, my dad is a car manufacturer and my mom stays home to teach me. I wish I could say I have a close relationship with my mom, but we are like two opposite poles of a magnet, no matter how hard you push, the more we repel. Even tonight, I ate dinner in my room so that I wouldn't have to stumble through the inevitable awkward, pointless conversations.

All I have ever wanted was a friend, in any form. A sister, a brother, a best friend I could tell anything to. But if I am being honest, I think my parents wouldn't ever want another kid after dealing with me for 13 years.

Sometimes I wonder what my point is in life, I haven't done anything beneficial to anyone, and I haven't made an impact on this world. All I have done is sit around and run... a lot.

My outlet is running, it keeps me alive. I feel so free with the wind rushing past me, my legs pumping at what feels like 100 mph, even the inevitable soreness keeps me motivated to try harder. I am a runner.

As I head to bed for the night, I pray the same prayer I pray every night, but I have lose all hope of God ever answering my prayer...
"God, please provide me with a friend. Bless me with someone I can trust and develop a strong relationship with, someone who loves me for who I am. Amen."