My dumbass got less than four hours of sleep which is careless. Im aware. But before I dozed off for the second time, I thought a bit. Before this, I wrote my feelings down in a bigger notebook. As soon as I found it, I lost it again. Now that Im not there Im scared someone is going to find it and eventually read it if it isn't thrown away. Which means they'll see all the shit I've done to myself. Then what happens? I get a phone call from a pissed of grandmother? You know, only really concerned about it because I did those things to myself under HER roof? Yeah. I know that game all too well. So, Im prepared for it.
As everyone knows, when I think like that, its hard for me to clear my head. I've come to think that this girl I have feelings for hates the fuck out of me. And because I know she doesn't, I feel that eventually she'll grow distant from me. Im so fucking selfish. Aren't I? Its not just with her but with everybody I care about. But I never say anything. Simply because I don't want to seem sensitive. I am seriously fucked if someone finds that notebook.
Okay so before I got this I started resorting to writing to keep myself from doing stupid shit- I would write in this Mid sized blue notebook right? And I would write how I felt out of anger. From the first time I felt like I would be the cause of my death to when I started feeling that I was becoming obsessed with harming myself. And I wrote it ALL in that notebook. But towards the end of it. So if my mom or grandmother or uncle or anyone got ahold of that notebook I am in deep shit. Hopefully I find it before someone else does. Until next time my loves💞
YOU ARE READING
Behind Closed Doors
Non-FictionThis is NOT a story in any type of way. This "book" will, however, be about the things I experience everyday when I am alone compared to when I am around others. Im simply doing this because I need some type of reassurance that I'm not going crazy.
