All my life (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Flashback

"After Steve died.. or we thought he died, I continued my work in the army. I started working more with S.H.E.I.L.D. And Howard Stark. We tried finding the tesseract. We didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands. And by the look of what happened not even a year ago, we failed at that. Sounded like you guys had fun with that Asgardian."

Steve chuckles.

"Anyways, I helped Stark with his tech and he helped me move on from what happened. I became his mentee. He taught me everything about technology. However, after about a year of working with your father," I look at Tony. "I found a new HYDRA base. I never told Howard but I continued searching for them. I had a feeling or instinct, that there was more. And I was right. I tried to convince the colonel to let me take my unit or soldiers, but he refused. So I went alone. What I didn't know was that they were waiting for me."

I shiver as I remember the day I was taken. Steve walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder. He sits next to me as I continue.

"Word got to them that the serum didn't work on me. But they knew it was in my blood. They wanted it. For years they ran experiments upon experiments. They drew blood and performed surgeries. Everything you could ever imagine, they did. But I always healed fast. When they noticed this, they came to the conclusion that I was not..."

I pause and look at Steve. He nods at me to go on.

"Human. I wasn't human. I'm not human. When they would leave my cell at night, I would discover things. First it was my hearing, I could hear things from miles away. Then it was sight, I could see things that were miles away. Finally it was my wings, I never knew I had them. I finally figured it out. I spent my nights learning about my powers. Until I was caught, and the doctors decided they wanted to use me as a weapon. They created technology to dampen my powers in the building. But they would take me outside into the field and examine me. They ran more experiments. I discovered more powers. I could manipulate the earth. Any of the elements. Water, fire, air/gravity. They knew that I was powerful. They wanted to take advantage of that. They weakened me. Cut my wings, performed surgery on my eyes and ears. My wings would always grow back, but the pain that I felt when they cut them off," I feel a tear fall from my eye and quickly wipe it away.

"It was the worst thing I had ever felt in my life. I begged for them to just kill me. I'd tried to myself, but it never worked. They never let me. Finally, they gave me a choice. I could cooperate and go on missions, or I could continue with the experiments. I couldn't take anymore. So I agreed. I killed innocent people. Hundreds of them. I was numb. I enjoyed killing them. I felt as if I was someone else. But I could feel myself screaming deep down inside. I knew what I was doing. And I hated myself for it."

Everyone looks at me shocked, scared.

"I finally fought back, I found myself again. And I promised myself I would never let them control me again. No matter what they did to me. I wouldn't harm an innocent human. My job was to protect them. I knew it in my gut. I was here to protect them, not kill them. And for the rest of my time at hydra, they sent in different doctors, new technology, anything they could to try and break me. But they never did. Not again. I didn't allow it."

I stand up on the ledge looking down.

"I've never harmed an innocent human since then. But the men working with hydra, I killed them. They were not innocent. They were a threat to the innocent. The only mercy I paid them was a quick death. And then, I left." I lean forward and let myself fall off the ledge. Steve yells but I bring out my wings before I hit the ground and fly back up. I don't land, and instead hover at the side of the building.

"I don't know what I am. But I know that all I want is to protect the human kind. And until then, we can work to find out what I am if that makes you more comfortable."

"Sick wings" Sam says.

"Thank you" I say chuckling.

The rest of the team apologizes and gives me warm smiles as we walk back inside. Pepper pulls me aside and gives me a hug.

"I'm so sorry about what you have gone through. And I want you to know we are all here for you. We're your family now. And I know I can trust you. I don't know how, but I just do." She smiles as she walks away.

"Okay y/n. You can stay. Nat showed you your room, and the rest of the compound. Training starts in the morning. If you are going to live here and be an avenger, you will train like we do. Meet Steve in the gym at 7am. After training come to the lab. Welcome to the team kiddo." Tony says patting me on the back.

"Wait what? I'm an avenger?" I ask in disbelief.

"No missions until we learn about the full extent of your powers. But yes." He leaves the room as I look over at Steve.

"It's nice to have you back sis." He chuckles at my shocked face and walks out. Leaving only nat in the room.

"What the hell just happened?" I ask.

"You're an avenger. It'll be nice to have another girl around. Me and pepper were outnumbered. I have a good feeling about you." She says.

"Thanks nat." I smile to myself as it kicks in. Avenger. I'm an avenger.