When I Stay

32. Butterflies Hurt More Than I Thought They Would

"Hi there."

I practically tackled my brother, throwing my arms around his waist, squeezing him roughly. He chuckled with a small wince, putting his hands on my shoulders, patting me softly.

"Hi," I mumbled back, smiling up at him. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"You've been a little busy."

"Not really," I sighed. "I've just been kind of... occupied." I detached my frame from his, sitting back up and readjusting myself on the grass to feel more comfortable.

"So, you've fallen in love."

I glared at him. "What, have you had conversations with dad, too?"

He didn't say anything, suddenly staring up at the sky, trying not to laugh, suddenly finding it very interesting.

"I'm not in love," I muttered, shaking my head at him, sitting crisscrossed.

"So you're not in love with Gideon?"

The realization made me blink slowly. That's what I said... "No," I say quietly. "I don't think I am."

"At least you figured that part out."

"Some part of me will always love him," I tell Beau. "But not like that."

"So it's Alexei who owns your heart now?" He grinned. "He's not bad. I thought the other boy as good for you, but I can see why you like this one so much. He's a lot like you. And a lot not like you."

I stayed quiet, unsure what to say.

"He believes in you. I'm not sure Gideon ever did."

"He's not the bad guy."

"No, but I'm just saying that Alexei is giving you what you need. I think he's better suited for you, now that I've seen more of him."

"You don't know him," I remind BH. "You really don't."

"Mind telling me what he's like then?"

I bit my lip. "He's kind, in a weird way. It's like he'd do anything for other people. And he's funny. And he has an ego the size of—"

"Of yours?" He smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes with a smile. "Yeah, maybe."

"The way you talk about him only proves my point."

I scoffed. "How do I talk about him?"

"Like you're in love with him. With a smile on your face, and a warm look in your eyes." He shrugged a shoulder. "It's refreshing to see you like this. I like it."

I grumbled at him. Why did everyone else like to dig through my feelings whenever I haven't even sorted them out yet?

Beau looked around, standing up. "Looks like our time is up."

"I don't want to leave yet—"

But I was already awake.

I frowned, rubbing at my eyes and sitting up.

Was everyone right?

Was I... did I love Alexei?

The thought alone made my throat squeeze.

I guess there was only one way to find out.

——————

I waved over Alexei, almost falling over on the ice as I did so. I guess I was more nervous than I thought.