Nightwing: Heartless

Part 48: Down with the Rain

It was a gloomy day. The clouds were so big they seemed to only need a sewing needle to prick them and a downpour would ensue. It was fitting; it would seem cruel for the day to be beautiful during a funeral. Dick stayed at the back of the crowd, he wasn't sure he was even welcome here. Willa hadn't returned his calls, his texts, and she pretended not to know when he was around, waiting for her. He couldn't blame her, only himself.

He watched the back of her head, sitting in the front row before the priest and the coffin. Her back was rigid, hair curled. Her shoulders didn't shake like her father's but she held her mother's hand. He watched her stand up to give a eulogy, and couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked. How strength radiated from her, even though her eyes were glassy with held back tears.

"Right before Adam died, when we were walking home, I remember thinking how wise he was," Willa started, "how it always seemed like he knew the answers. Always knew the right joke to tell, the right pick-up line." Chuckles went through the crowd and Willa cracked a smile, "he was only two years older than me but he always seemed to know everything. When I didn't have any friends in high school, he convinced me it was okay for your family to be your friends. When my first boyfriend cheated on me, he helped me realize there was nothing wrong with me, the boy was just a loser." More laughs from the crowd. Dick watched Willa sweep a gaze through the people gathered outside. Her eyes landed on Dick. He held her gaze evenly, trying to communicate everything in a look. She swallowed and continued talking. "He came to all my birthday parties, watched every scary movie with me, threw the best dance parties, and made me feel so proud to be his sister; so convinced there couldn't possibly be another girl as loved as me," her voice finally cracked, "and that's how I still feel. It's what I'll remember." She sat back down so she didn't cry as the crowd clapped.

Dick stayed in the back for the rest of the ceremony. Until the coffin was six feet underground and the line to give condolences was lone and sad. Dick still waited, unsure what his place was. To stay or go. So he stayed, letting Will make the decision. She left her mom and dad in the front and walked behind away, gesturing the smallest nod for Dick to follow. He followed her past gravestones to the far side of a family crypt, away from any prying eyes. She turned to face him, eyes focused on the ground.

"Will..." Now that she was in front of him, he didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Will."

She wiped her nose and looked up, "you came."

"Of course," he whispered. She heaved a breath and buckled, falling into his arms. He wrapped his around her, hugging her close, nestling her head under his chin. He wanted to hold her so tight the world could never hurt her again. He wanted to squeeze all the pain out of her. Unfortunately, that's not how death worked. Or hugs. "I'm so sorry," he said again, "I should have been there. You called me; you needed me-"
Willa pulled away, "I'm sure you have a good excuse."

He actually did, but he couldn't explain how Zatanna had cast an ancient spell to save Jaime from the Reach's control. "That doesn't make it right," he said instead and took her hand gently. She shivered as it started to sprinkle and Dick hugged her again. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

"I was there," she said into his chest. "When he was killed. Watching him being laid to rest is nothing compared to watching him die."

Dick hadn't known. He had read the police file, but it only noted one witness, and the 911 call hadn't come from Willa's phone. It made it so much worse. If Will had gotten hurt, or killed... Dick clenched his fists just thinking about what could have happened. What did happen. Willa pulled back again, eyes still on the ground. Dick didn't know what to say so he shrugged out of his suit jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders as the sprinkles turned to rain.

"No one should have to go through that," Dick finally said, "especially you. If there's anything I can do, just say the word."

"I want you to leave."

"What?" He said in shock. She said it so low and so fast he thought he misheard her. But he never misheard.

"I need space," she finally looked him in the eye, "from you. From us."

He shook his head, willing her to take it back, pretend it was a joke, anything but the truth. "I know I wasn't there, and-"

"That's right, you weren't," she snapped. Dick's mouth closed in shock. She never snapped at him. She squeezed her eyes shut and crossed her arms, "I needed you." A tear escaped and slid down her cheek. Dick fought the urge to reach out and wipe it away. It hurt him to see her cry. "I needed you, Dick, and you never came." She looked at him again, "and I know it's not fair. I know you were saving the world, but you didn't save my world."

"Will, I'll never forgive myself-"

"But you should, because I'm sure in the grand scheme of things, the decision you made was the right one, but right now I am grieving and my heart is broken." Her tears came more freely. Dick wondered if she even noticed. They mixed with the rain.

"I'm so sorry," Dick repeated. It was the only thing to say.

"I know you are," Willa replied softly, "and I know it isn't fair to blame you. I know that, but right now I can't separate the pain from blame."

Dick understood. Grief was irrational. When his parents died, when Jason died, all he felt was pain and anger, at everyone and everything. Those responsible, and those not, even those trying to help, but especially at the ones who couldn't save them.

"I can't love you while my heart is broken," she rasped out, "and I can't love you while I blame you. I'm sorry."

"No," now Dick did take her face in his hands, "don't be sorry. You're in pain, pain you should never be in, pain I can't stand to see you in and know I could have prevented it. I love you too much," his voice broke, "you need me to leave, so I will." He kissed her forehead gently then stepped back, feeling his own tears rise and his own heart start to crack.

Willa took off his jacket and handed it back to him, "thank you."

He took the jacket back, "anything for you," he managed to whisper. Then he watched her walk away.