Why Me,Mom

I Don't understand

Enjoy 😊

She opened the front door of her house, not a home, a house. Meredith has been to Izzie, Cristina and Derek's homes, they are homes, they feel homey when you enter the front door but her "home" doesn't feel like home at all, well maybe it did when she was about 3 years, just because her dad was here and he loved her but still don't understand why he left if he "loves or loved her". Meredith from the time her mom while her mother told her, her father left, she never understood why, why leave someone you "love". From that day when her dad left, her mother was colder than ever, she won't cuddle, hug or kiss Meredith, then a loud bang comes from the kitchen, interrupting Meredith from her thoughts.

She finally enter the door and goes towards the kitchen and looks around, not knowing where the sound came from.

"BANG", Meredith walks towards the kitchen window and looks through it, to only find people fixing the neighbours fence.

"hmmm", she sign as she though it was her mother but at the back of her head she knew there's no way Ellis Grey would come home during the afternoon.

She pour a glass of water and drinks, then walks down the passage towards the staircase.While walking she really analyses her house, it's big, beautiful but very cold.

She reacted her bedroom and it's the only room she feels at home in, mainly because she decorated it herself, well mostly Izzie did it, she said, her room needs "aesthetics vibes" or whatever. So her room has light purple wall (Pictures of her room at the end of the chapter)

She put her bag down and starting doing homework as always but Ellis never notice. After 2 hours of working she decided to go make herself food, which is mandatory for her since she was 8 years old because her mother managed to fire every nanny or cook she has hired and said "Meredith needs to learn for herself now,she's grown", Meredith rolled her eyes at this thought because how the hell is a eight year old suppose to cook for herself. She finishes her food as she made mac and cheese, she also left some for her mom, how sick right? she cares for a woman who doesn't care for her.

After eating she went back to her room and layed down and recalls the events of today, how her friends where so excited to have shown their mothers, their marks for the first big chemistry test for last year in high school, they were so happy, they all shared their mothers reaction and hugs, even Cristina who is not a bright and shiny person, expresses her mothers reaction with smile on her face. As for Meredith, she just sat there and listened, when asked what her mother said, she just replied with "she was happy" but her mother just said next time get 100% even though she got 98%. Cristina knew how Meredith mother was and could she see the pain through her eyes and changed the topic to boys.

At the thought of that, Meredith wonders, why her mother even had her, why not do abortion, why not put her up for adoption, why did she keep a kid she doesn't want or love. As she thought of this, tears were at the edge of spilling out, but she refuses to cry.

She lays on her stomach and clings on her pillow as memories from her childhood come back, her being bullied for not having mother come for a dance recitals, mother's days. Memories of how she would have nightmares and crying for her mother but her mom was busy at work or her would say "crying is for babies Meredith" even though she was three years old, how she would sit alone when she was sad and cry for herself to sleep. The only person that comfort Meredith when he could was Richard, even though he knew he was the reason her father left.

At this memories, Meredith more is sobbing silently because she just doesn't understand, she has pushed down her feelings for her entire life and she doesn't really know what triggered this. It can't be her friends sharing their stories, right?, she thought.