BTS x BTS Oneshots

16. Namjin

Hi this was a oneshot I wrote a while ago and I found in my drafts. I was to lazy to finish my taegi ff so I edited this one instead and posted it.

TW: Attempted Suicide

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Namjoon POV:

I walk towards a cliff, my chest heavy with guilt and stress. With each step I take I feel more pain. It's been too long that I've tolerated this depression. All I've done is delay the depression I've had. I'm going to end it all today. I come closer to the edge of this cliff. The sun is setting, retiring to the other side of the world. I take in the sight of the world for the last time. I once called it beautiful, the world I once admired. Not anymore, all I see is a never ending cycle of suffering and pain. I finally reached the edge of the cliff. My eyes begin to water, small tears begging to slide down my face and to my neck.

"Hey, are you ok?" I turn around, a handsome looking man with dark brown chocolate hair and broad shoulders approaches me.

"You seem down, do you want to talk about it?" I open my mouth to answer, but as I take a step towards him, I slip. I fall off the cliff, and I scream.

"No WAIT. I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET" I think to myself. I close my eyes, ready to fall into the ocean below, its untamed waves showing danger. But I realize, I'm not falling. I look up, the man that had asked if I was fine was holding my hand, attempting to pull me up. He manages to get my upper body up on the edge. Allowing me to pull myself up with his help. We tumble away from the edge and I find myself on top of the man that saved me.

"Are you hurt? Are you ok?" He pulls me off of him and checks to make sure I'm fine, a hint of worry in his movements.

"I-" I bust into tears. I'm overwhelmed by what happened. I cover my face with my hands, embarrassed to show myself to him.

"What's your name?"

"N-namjoon. K-k-kim N-namjoon." I can barley talk without stuttering.

"Ok, Namjoon I'm Kim Seokjin. I know you just met me, but do you want to tell me what's going on? You don't have too, but if you do I'm listening." I try to respond, but my voice is chocked back with tears. I've been holding back all this pain to myself, no one to turn to. I didn't tell anyone because I was scared that my pain would hurt them. I couldn't risk losing someone again because of me.

"Do you need a ride back home?" He asks with a calm voice. Home. I could never go back to that place I once called home. I don't want to go back to that hell. My breathing becomes heavy, my fists and jaw clench, my brows now furrowed.

"Namjoon," Seokjin calls with a calm voice, snapping me out of my thoughts. He gently places his hand on my fists that are still clenched.

"I'm no expert therapist, but from my perspective, I think you were going to kill yourself by jumping off the cliff. I think you are stressed, something is bothering you." I freeze, that was a guess? I wipe my tears and answer him.

"Yes I was. I can't take any of this shit anymore. I'm tired of this game that life plays on me. A place I once called home is now hell. It used to be a place where my heart was, with her. Until she betrayed me and my trust."

"She?" Seokjin looks at me confused.

"My ex-girlfriend. She cheated on me, she told me I never satisfied her needs. That, I could never give her what she wants. She went and slept with my best friend and I walked in on them." I bring my hand to my head, frustrated and angry at the memory.

"Is that all?" I shake my head.

"No, before her my parents had kicked me out and disowned me because I told them I wanted to be a music producer. They wanted me to be a doctor or a surgeon. I would most likely accidentally kill someone before the surgery even started."

"I'm pretty sure thats just an exaggeration-"

"When I was 7 I managed to break a door handle, I shattered several glass cups in my life, and last week I broke a sliding door." Seokjin then opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it hesitating to say something. Since I was on a roll, I told him more.

"I also had a friend, he was the nicest person you could ever meet. He was kind and thoughtful and so caring. But one day I told him how I felt, how I was so sick of life. The next day, he left a note to me telling me hes sorry that he let me down. He's sorry for doing the unforgivable act that would end everything."

"Did he-" Seokjin started.

"He wrapped himself around a tree, and ever since that day it hurts because it was my fault. I should have just kept my feelings to myself and dealt with it." I buried my face in my hands, the memory replaying itself over and over again. The surge of guilt and pain came back to me.

"Damn, I don't think I could get through with that if I were in your shoes. You're stronger than you think you know." I look up at him. What's that supposed to mean?

"You're looking at me like I'm insane. Look, if you still managed to continue on from all these events, you're a strong person. Even if it hurts, you still managed to continue on in life. Life Goes On, you can keep going or you can waste something you can't get back." Jin says in a serious yet reassuring tone. This is the first in a long time that someone has talked to me with compassion and care. My own parents never talked to me since the day I walked out that door with my things. My ex's beautiful lies were just a cover for the ugly truth. My dear friend who made his choice and I took the blame.

"You're parents, they shouldn't have done that. If you were set on being a producer, the only thing they could've done was support you. But they made their choice. Nothing you can do about it but move on. Same with that b1tchu ex and your friend. They made their choice, now you make yours. Do you want to continue living on or do you want to take away that chance of getting back up?" Do I want to keep going? Things become a little more clear to me, clearer than I have been in a long time. I stand up and wipe off my tears. Jin stands up with me as well.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I haven't had reassurance in such a long time. Thank you for saving me."
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