Lost in the pages

Downhill

A servant put my cloak around my shoulders, and I fastened the clip Athos put on his hat and offered me a tight smile before leading me out to where a groom was waiting with Hades. Athos looked at me

"Aramis thought you would prefer for us to ride Hades together" I explained

"Well he was right" he stroked the neck of his horse before mounting; the Groom helped me up in front of Athos. 

He wrapped his arms around me taking the reins and just nudged Hades on. The snow was falling again, and I was glad when the Garrison came in sight. Athos dismounted and lifted me down.

"Go to my room and I will fetch some food and wine" he kissed my forehead. I didn't need to be asked twice I was only to happy to be out of the cold. Athos walked into the room with a basket with meat bread and cheese and a bottle of wine. I stood in front of the fire looking at the flames. "Estelle?"

"It's been a very long day" I sighed

"Yes it has" he came over to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind "What did the Cardinal want?"

"He was curious as to why I came in with Aramis after Bonacieux told him it was D'artaganan I was with" Athos turned me around to face him

"And why would Bonacieux say that?" he tipped his head

"Because I told him I was" Athos got wide eyed "Only to draw attention from D'artaganan and Constance" I smiled "And then the Cardinal said that he saw you and I kissing yesterday" I held on to the front of Athos's shirt "He asked me if Porthos was next" a dark expression passed over Athos's face.

"That man is..."

"An idiot; and you know and so does everyone else that matters that there is only one man I love..." I stopped "I mean... Oh god" I stammered. The L word was not supposed to have tumbled from my lips. Athos inhaled and took a slight step back and looked almost panicked. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I had just ruined whatever this was. "I'm sorry" I pulled away and hurried to the door. My hand closed on the latch and I pulled it open

"Estelle" A hand pushed the door closed and I could feel the heat through the thin material of his shirt against my back

"Forget what I just said" I closed my eyes

"I can't; but I also do not know if I am capable of love anymore" his voice was quiet and steady, I inhaled a deep breath and shook my head

"I shouldn't have said it, I'm tired, I've been scared and I have a possible concussion" I gabbled "I need some air" the corset all of a sudden felt more restrictive then ever.

 I pulled at the door managing to get it open and I ran down the stairs into the courtyard. There was only one other place that I could think of going and that was Bonacieux's home, hopefully he would be passed out drunk and I could just curl in to a ball.

"Was that Estelle?" Porthos said as he Aramis, Captain Treville and D'artaganan rode back toward the Garrison

"Estelle is going to be tucked up with Athos" Aramis chuckled "It is good to see him with her"

"He was so on edge all day even the King was concerned for him" Treville sighed "The Cardinal is intrigued by her and has been asking a lot of questions about her"

"Well possible the best thing is that none of us know much about her" Porthos dismounted in the courtyard

"No we don't; but is it just me or are we all as protective over her as we are with Constance?" D'artaganan questioned they all looked at each other and nodded

"Athos's door is open" Aramis put his hand on the hilt of his sword he took the stairs two at a time as a chair came flying through the door and a crashing of breaking glass came from inside. They all stood in the doorway as Athos trashed the inside of his room.

"ATHOS" Porthos pushed his way in and grabbed hold of Athos

"What is going on?" Treville snapped

"Athos where is Estelle?" Aramis asked

"Let me be" Athos panted "she left"

"WHY?" Aramis moved in front of his friend

"Because I am not worthy of her" they all looked at each other he shrugged off Porthos "I can not be what she wants me to be"

"You're not making Sense Athos" D'artaganan pulled him around to face him

"I am not supposed to be happy. You do not understand" Athos moved to walk through the door Aramis stepped in his way

"You are returning to wallow in self pity, you let the best thing that has ever happened to you walk out into the streets of Paris at night. It is dangerous and she does not know the city"

"Athos you need to talk to us and tell us why?" Captain Treville's voice was calm "Porthos, D'artaganan go see if you can find Estelle" The two of them nodded and walked out "Athos my Office now"

I stumbled in the snow falling on my hands and knees as I struggled with tears falling down my cheeks. I had taken a wrong turn and I was well and truly lost.

"Well what do we have here" I looked around and a patrol of four Red Guards walked toward me