Soleil Blanc / The White Sun

II: Moonlight Sonata

You; a butterfly that dances with the never-ending music of nature, untiringly kisses flowers after flowers with the windswept beauty on your wings With the whimsy of your heart, you giggle as the diamonds from your smile fall on earth. They see in awe how gracefully you guide the light away that leaves you in darkness forever.

'Yibo, it's time to wake up sweetie." Mom called for my name, as I groaned to wake up in the early morning. I looked outside the window bluntly, even the summer sun looked dull in my eyes. My room was tidier than before as I have been absent for few weeks; so probably mom and sister cleaned all the mess. The books are now perfectly fitted in the book shelves, the ballerina shoes and laces are now perfectly folded on the table and the violin... Oh! I could feel how thinking about that suddenly formed a lump in the throat, made my breathing troubled and sweat formed on my head. But the panic didn't last long as a rush of anger blown over me. I looked for it, but no I couldn't find it. If it was other times, I would have been angry at my mom or sister for putting it somewhere else, but gladly I am grateful for it today. Else, I would have gone insane at the sight of it.

I calmed my breathing down and rubbed my hands on my thighs. With jagged breathing, I closed my eyes to calm the pain down. Whenever I think much, my head kind of hurts and trust me, I am tired of pain after pain. Not anymore.

Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere I got startled at the sight of my mom opening the door with full force, almost breaking the wall. Judging from her facial expression, she looked like she was about to lose everything. I snickered realizing in these few days, she has aged more than she did after I was born. That is exactly why you shouldn't love a person so much. It hurts in many ways.

She looked at me with relieved, perplexed eyes and disheveled hair probably because of running all the way to upstairs, and mumbled something and then come near me only to crush me in a tight motherly hug and continued saying incoherent words and peppered kisses all over my face.

She still hasn't used it, right?

"Mom -you- for-got – I- can't- hear – now- right?" slowly I spoke the words that formed in my brain but didn't return back to it.

I could feel how my mom flinched under my hug and her shoulders slowly and gradually started trembling. She was crying- but I could not hear it. However, as a good son and a sensible human, I drew circles on her back which obviously didn't make any sense as she started trembling even more. Probably crying out loud like a lamb or something, it's good to be deaf sometimes.

"look- at- me, I can't – hear you. At- least- for- now." I said and let out a chuckle as she leaned back to face me, her porcelain skin was nothing more than pale now and her eyes that drooped in the corners were red due to heavy crying. Her forehead that she always took pride for, was now burdened with wrinkles and her styled hair was now tied in a messy bun. I sighed and wiped her tears.

"I am sorry." She mouthed and instantly I nodded my head in negation. Drawing myself from the bed and I told her to wait for me at the breakfast table while her son washed himself quickly. She again mouthed, 'okay' and took her leave respecting my privacy. As I saw her retreating figure, I excused myself to the mirror to have a better look at my face that I haven't properly seen in these weeks.

The white gauzes taped around my face was something to dislike, it looked like a goddamn mummy! Though, they almost covered half of my right face- and hid the deep scar. A scar that will always remind me of that ominous day, when I lost everything.

I lost music.

My head started throbbing again and to avoid it, I went to the bathroom, did the usual routine and came downstairs. At the sight of me, my parents and my sister beamed rather say fake beamed in happiness. Come on, now don't pretend.

"Good morning-" My sister's smile instantly fell as she recalled that I have lost my hearing and wouldn't hear her cheery morning greeting. I noticed how instantly the crease that the smile made was now turned into a saggy pale face full of fright. However, to ease the mood, I waved at them pretending a smile while trying to say good morning, hoping it came out good. Though I am so thankful that they didn't drag this conversation further, rather ate the omelets and soups silently.