Soleil Blanc / The White Sun

IX: Clair De Lune

Little did I know Narcissus also existed.

I gasp as my fingers trail on his skin. The scar was deep like canyons on the mountains- where stones brag about their strength yet a river so bold cut through it. Yibo's scar is just like that.

"You are- so beautiful! Damn!" I whispered while cupping his face. And immediately two or more teardrops fell on my thumb that still didn't let go of his face. The Face I needed for my inspiration. The Face that blinds muse with its own amusement. However, I felt a snicker formed on his face, where is the irony?

"I- you can not – can not see me else..." he hiccupped, " else your face would go pale, and you- you would see the most hideous person ever existed in front you. You- you wouldn't then embrace me, all you could have done was flee."

"Flee? Flee you say?" I retorted rather painfully, " Yibo, people do not flee from their home... they never have courage to do so. And those who leave, they had never found home at all."

With another snicker and with more teardrops he replied spitting irony, "You and your pretty mouth, where do you have your home?"

"Here..." I whispered as the voice had already been long lost. My index finger glided its way to that scar- and for goodness' sake, with each touch, with each trail I could feel how inspiration was rushing through my veins.

"The scar. Here is where I live from now on. It is my home."

I heard how his breath hitched and now he had stopped crying. I wish I could see him, well yes, I have seen him with my inner eye... but I still wish how his breath hitched, how his eyes that might be Bambi or probably sharp or probably too small or whatever they must be tinged with a shade of red for excessive crying. How his full or thin lips must have gone dry for not drinking water long time. Wait how does his lips feel?

"Zhan..."

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?" Are we doing telepathy now?

"Do not bore me with those same words trending for so long. Say, do you want to perceive my lips upon you?"

"Damn it, you are really something else." With that he slowly leaned in, I felt how his knees brushed my thighs how one of his hand rested somewhere near me on the bed and the other one securely held my back. His breathing so warm and exotic- came closer filling up the vacancy between he and I.

I was more than amazed at how he took my words literally, and I was really glad he did so. I shiver how magically he peppered tiny kisses on my thin lips- realized they were fuller than I had imagined. Maybe there are still some things that goes beyond your imagination.

Letters cannot form the euphoria when he smiled at my lips. I didn't know that was possible. His breath with the mixture of whatever cologne he wore and his bodily scent, felt so raw, exotic and vintage and carried the ability to make you drunker than some 90s wine.

His forehead touched mine which was soothingly warm, noses on the noses bumping teethy kisses all along. It was going well, but suddenly it hit me. Hit me so hard that made me shiver in his touch.

"Yibo? I hummed.

"Hmm?"

"Promise me. Promise one thing." I stated anxiously. Feeling his affirmation, I continued,

"Do not ever fall in love with me. Do not. It- it does no good. It's forbidden. For me, it's fatal."

And I didn't expect such reply. Even more surprised when a pang hit my heart.

"I plan not to. And I believe, you would do the same?"

"I do."

"Great," he smiled and then again kissed me. I was astonished why he didn't object nor questioned about such philosophy of my life. An abstract that has different definition to different persons, an question for which mankind lives and seeks an explanation for their whole life- I, a mere sculptor Blanc, has asked Ray- cicerone to not ever seek that answer for me.

"You are not- you do not object?"

"I do not. As I believe in us and home. So why do we have to always be in love in order to amuse the other one? Why can not we just find our home by alienating ourselves from the tag love, and emerge into the ocean of artistry that means more?"

"Yibo." I felt my heart pounding like never, adrenalin knocking my heart, brain couldn't work properly.

"Be my muse. Wang Yibo, will I have the honor to call you my muse?"

"You will, I would love to."

And with that we sealed the conversation with another tongue-tied smooch and trust me, it was truly tongue-tied and only sound we could form was gibberish and only touch we could feel was each other; far from worries, far from pain, far from sadness...

Far from Love.