Trapped

15

After Erik opened up, he has been telling me stuff that nobody should have experienced and do. I am proud of him. He has never told anyone this much information that I now hold in my mind. Erik narrated to me where there are times where he would put cinnamon in Jose drinks because it would make the semen taste better. This boils my blood. Why should a child even have to do that? A child shouldn't have to.

Erik once said that showers were sometimes to be taken with Jose, tacks and needles would be stuck in his thigh, used lemon, so he didn't have to taste much. His mother leaving him in a long narrow closet for schoolwork because she thought he wasn't concentrating enough, and he would be left in there for more than seven hours or until he falls asleep and wakes up the next day. He would have to lie and say he had to go number two just so he can be let out to pee and not use Tupperware.

I had no idea what was going on. I cannot grasp how Erik has put up with this for so many years. He is one of a kind. Strong, brave... and everything that describes a man who has to put up with this kind of shit and has been trying to survive all these years. It's hard to look at him because of what I learned. I want him in my arms 24/7. He deserves the world. Lyle and Erik deserve everything they didn't get. I haven't told Erik about my situation because I don't want him to worry about me. He has more critical things going on that need to be handled, but I don't want to make it about me. I am not the concern here. I am fine, and I will survive. What happened to me isn't my end of the world...

Erik further told me why he is so strict about me not meeting Jose. A while back if Jose knew if Erik or Lyle would go on dates with their exes, he would rape them so that leads to them not having a good time. Sick man, I tell you... Sick fucking man that needs to rot and suffer for all the pain he has put in the family. What is crazy is that these boys still care for their father after all the shit he put them through...

I get back from the park, where I laid on the grass and thought. I think a lot, and it gets to be overwhelming. After I left my shoes at the door, I head to the bathroom quickly because I had held everything in. I have been having stomach issues. It's must be from all the eating I am doing. Erik has been making me. He was like if you don't eat, then I won't eat. I stopped eating after what Steve did, but Erik has been a huge support without knowing the real problem. Erik does have those days where he doesn't have an appetite, and I know why... I don't make him eat much, but I make sure he has some nourishment in his body.

I head to the kitchen to grab water, and I sit down to put on some television. I don't watch a lot of tv. There is a lot of fake things that go on behind the screen. I get comfortable on the couch, and I think about how Erik and I are so excited that our senior year is almost over. We were thinking of going to prom for the heck of it. We skipped out on the homecoming dance back in October because we did something more fun than going to dance for hours in a moist, humid crowd. I start to feel to doze off, but I didn't force myself to have my eyes stay open.

I soon learned that closing my eyes was a mistake. I start to feel trap in my sleep. Trapped in the nightmare I have most nights. I re-experience what I don't want to encounter. I start freaking out, yelling at the man who is hurting me.

"Ellie?"

I flutter, my eyes open in panic. I wake up sweating and in the arms of officer Garrett.

I sit up. "S-sorry, Garrett," I say, wiping my forehead.

He sits next to me. "Call me Mark. Using my last name makes me feel old. So how long have you been having nightmares?"

"Nitemare? Oh! Yeah..." I say, reaching for my water. I take a sip. "Uh, since January."

"That's when you started acting out."