The Beginning of A Sultana

*[Chapter 1]*

      Scattered words and pictures tumble around in Maria's brain, hoping to clutch onto an anchor of peace.

Her head is dizzy, and will soon fall off. She's sure of it. From the way her head threatens to slip from the cold wall and onto the cold tiled floors. She brings her fingers to her forehead and presses them down, hoping to somehow get rid of whatever is tainting her mind. She peeks one eye open, seeing that the Kalfa hasn't noticed her yet.

Good. No one else has noticed her. Maybe the pain will be too much, and the floors will slip open for her to fall through and go back home.

She drops her hands and shakes her head. How foolish of her. There are only two ways to leave the palace. One, if you're a man, and two, if you're dead. And as she is currently in the Harem where all the women reside, and is unfortunately breathing, there is no chance of her ever stepping foot outside the palace walls.

As Maria feels the energy coming back to her, she leans into what she thinks is the Kalfa talking. Instead, it is two other concubines whispering under their tongues.

"If she gives birth to a boy, then the Sultan will have his first prince!" The blonde girl's eyes widen as she hears this from her friend, and Maria watches as she shakes her head and leans in even closer to her friend's ears.

"No, not possible. A lady that wicked would never have that much power. It's impossible. Unheard of."

Maria turns her head away from the girls and back to her daire, laying her hand on the stretched white leather and trying to focus on her task. It wasn't just her though. When there usually was chords hanging in the air followed by more, the music was ironically quiet of any music. Instead, the only sound that fills the room is the whiplash of gossip that could hurl someone's presence a thousand years back with what they heard.

Gossip was common in the Harem, but what was so different this time, was that it would affect one of their own. Another concubine. An expecting mother.
Carrying the Sultan's baby themselves.

When it was discovered that Ayse was pregnant, the planned mourning of the previous Sultan's death and the rest of the sons, soon turned into celebrations for the newest member of the Ottoman clan, dynasty, and family. The Valide sent gold to be distributed to the girls, and a festive meal was prepared for the royal family to rejoice over such great news.

Great news for some that was.

While several Kalfas and Eunichs walked the palace walls with smiles, several girls who had been in the Sultan's bed as well only knew how to break down at the thought of not being able to carry the Sultan's baby as well. Because giving birth to a son of the dynasty ensured power, stability, and most importantly, a place in the palace. Because anyone excluding the royal family had permanent footing in the palace. Their presence wouldn't be missed if they were to even vanish into thin air, letting their particles fly out the window and not disturb the palace.

As such, Ayse would walk around the Harem towering with her confidence, barely glancing at anyone that came her way. She herself was carrying what could be the next Sultan of the Ottoman dynasty.

Just as Maria is to lay her head back against the wall, another headache forming, the doors open and a Kalfa shuffles in, tossing a small brown bag tied with black string up and down in her hands.

Everyone rose, staring at her with excitement. (Maria could barely keep her eyes open) Not only for the gold in the bag, that make clinking sounds as the bag goes up and down, but as well as for the news the Kalfa would be announcing.

"Well, what did she have Kalfa?" An eager red haired asks, inching her head closer as if doing so would allow her to see the Kalfa's thoughts.

"Be patient! A child isn't worthy of gossip conversation!" The Kalfa scolds, looking between all of the girls. After a minute, her smile returns.

"The Sultan has a new baby daughter."

Ayse lays on her side, sniffling and her eyes dropping. She wants to sleep, but her mind won't let her.

Her hands tighten on the sheet as the thought goes over and over in her mind.

A girl. She gave birth to a girl.

She should be a delighted. A mother having a daughter is someone she can bond with. Someone who won't feel awkward talking to her about her life, because of the mother-daughter bond they share.

Except, the only thing Ayse can feel right now is dread. Complete and utter dread. It's consuming her body right now, and she turns and twists around in her bed as she tries to get over what just happened.

Someone knocks on the door, and Ayse lets out a weak "enter" before her maiden ushers herself into the room. Babbling noises reaches Ayse's ears, and she freezes under the covers.

"Sultana, Sadika has been prepared. Would you like to hold her?"

Sadika. Meaning truthful and honesty. A truthful baby will bring joy. Happiness. That is what the Valide had told Ayse after she came into the room after hearing the news of the birth. Ayse only nodded her head before crying after the Valide and everyone left.

She peeps her head out from under the covers, looking at the baby wrapped in a white blanket. She can see its head turn left and right, but nothing else from her bed.

She turns her head back around, and shakes her head. "No, I don't. Take it away." She whispers so low that she can hear the Maiden's sharp yet small gasp at her referring to Sadika as "it".

"Very well Sultana." She doesn't look to see if the maiden bows before leaving.

Can she even be called a Sultana anymore? Is she worthy of that name after giving birth to a daughter? Up until the birth, hearing others call her Sultana was like music to her ears. Now, it's just a reminder that even though she tried, she'll never become a Sultana.

I will become one. I must become one. I will give birth to a son.

Ayse sat up, thinking on how to set her plan in motion. She wouldn't be condemned to being known for only as the woman who gave birth to the Sultan's first child, that was only a daughter. She would give him a son. She promises it.

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