Karev's heart beats

1) not alone anymore

TW:suicidal thoughts and actions bullying and mentions of death

10...9...8...7...6...pills left. Pills I'm taking. Pills that close my eyes and send me to the darkness.

Nothing hurts anymore, I feel kind of free. No thoughts no sound no light. Just endless darkness that consumes anything and everything that ever was. The peace full silence interrupted by nothing, not even a heartbeat.

That's where I am sitting on my bathroom floor with a stomach full of pills. Temazepam to be exact. And for the first moment in so long the pain vanished and I am just...I'm nothing I suppose. This is how it all ends. Wow.

Alone cold and in the dark. I shouldn't be surprised really.

-time skip the next morning Alex POV-

"Hey where's queeny" I half grunt taking a seat at the table. The thing you should know about queeny is that she's painfully oblivious to the struggle. To medical bills. To hard work. To the pain of life. She walks the halls of the hospital with her nose turned up and an almighty mindset.

Maybe I'm being hard on her, but she took O'Malley's spot. It was hard at first and although the pain eased of his replacement none of the groups fully accepted her. And when I say fully we are kind of dicks to her.

"Who cares" Christina smirks taking a bite of her sandwich.

"More surgeries for us" Meredith backs her up.

"Hopefully she transferred" Izzy mumbles but we all catch it. Meredith and Christina laugh slightly. It's at this moment I look around. Wow. No wonder she didn't show, we are dicks plane and simple.

Soon we are interrupted by our pagers alerting us. 911. Dropping everything we race to the ambulance bay coating ourselves in yellow overalls and latex gloves.

"Stevens go book an OR" baily waves over her shoulder like a commander to his arm6 we follow. "Grey and yang with me, and Alex and queen..a-ah where is she?" Baily trails of huffing and annoyed.

"No ones seen precious little queeny" Christina cackles and Izzy's words.

"Um karev find queeny- I mean queen and drag her bony ass here" baily goes marching as she does into battle.

Ripping of my gloves and overalls I huff on my way.

-time skip Lilly queens house still Alex pov-

Banging on the door ferociously, taking my anger out on the fact that I don't have the surgery forced to check up on the spoilt little queen, again and again I hit m6 fist agains the wooden door.

Looking around I spot her bike in the drive so she's definitely here. Just answers the bloody door.

Walking up to the window I cup my hands squinting to see the inside. My gaze going down the hallway hardly able to make out anything in the dim light. But that's when I see it.

A small pale skinned hand motionless on the hardwood floors. Nat a single twitch. So pale as if almost blue. Without wasting another moment I rip of my coat wrapping it around my fist and forcing it through the glass of 5he door turning the handle and allowing myself in such panic to fall through the now open door.

Grasping down to my knees beside her I take her head delicately into my lap not minding the tears that fall. Looking round the room I spot an empty pill bottle. And my heart shatters at the realisation of what has occurred.

Checking her pulse I am relieved to find it. Yet it's so faint I almost didn't so close to death she lies in my lap. Taking my phone out I dial an ambulance doing everything in me power to make her stay with me. They arrive in five minuet and I tell them to go straight to Seattle grace.

Getting out I'm immediately greeted my an even more pissed of Bailey than I left. "Admit karev I told you to find queeny not attempt to be a hero" she doesn't even try to correct her name calling this time.

"I did, it queen. I found queen" I yell In frustration and with that her face pales.

"W-what happened....karev" she trails off unable to form sentences.

"I found her on the floor. Pulse weak and thready. She's taken pills. Temazepam. I don't know how many but breathing is shallow and she was unconscious at the scene. Body temperature is low. We need to have her stomach pumped immediately, heating blankets and check for cranial abnormalities" rendered speechless baily simply nods along. And soon she is taken from me. And I alone in the corridors rest on the gurney head drawn back eyes close as silent tears fall and my scrub cap crushed in my hands.

"Couldn't find the dramatic little bitch, what happened she chin a nail and not been able to come to work" Meredith laughs walking up to me with the overs oblivious.

"No no I bet it was they got her order at Starbucks wrong" Christina joins in.

"Ten pounds says she stepped in a puddle with her Louis Vuitton's and is now having a crying fit" Izzy laughs.

"Hey what wrong with you" Meredith points finally acknowledging someone other than herself. "Did that little bitch get you in trouble with Bailey" they all start bad mouthing her but all I can think of is the way she treated us.

Sh was always smiling. Never complained when we gave her our paperwork. Bought us drinks at joes only for us to walk off. Tell her to go to the wrong places. Lock her out. Name calling. Screaming. And the girls even sometimes bashed into her in halls on purpose making her fall to the point her arms where covered in bruises staining her perfect milky skin. But she still bought us birthday presents. She still gave us cards and tried to celebrate Christmas. She even once held me while I cried over a patient and she didn't say a word after.

She was an angel sent from heaven and what did we do? We clipped her wings.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" I finally scream out. Silence washed over the scene until Meredith opens her huge mouth yet again.

"It's fine Alex it's okay we can lock her in the bathrooms during the next emergency then baily will see how inca-" but I can't take i5 anymore and o scream at them. No words just scream as tears flow freely.

"For once Meredith open your fucking eyes and see. Stop being such a self centred bitch for a moment and maybe just maybe you could ask instead of jumping to conclusions" she looks down shamefully. "She is lead in there right now getting her stomach pumped and going into cardiac and or respiratory arrest every five fucking seconds. No doubt we contributed to it, what with the pain we put her through" no one says anything.

Moments later felt like hours when baily suddenly burst through the door and I stand unable to contain my nerves.

"Queeny" she goes to say but I snap once again.

"Queen her name is fucking queen get it right" wide eyed Bailey stutters not staying on the fact that she's my superior knowing this time she is in the wrong.

"Queen is stable for now." And with that I breath a sigh of relief. "Do any of you know any family members we can call." She looks around still quiet from my outburst but we all shake our heads.

" any you call her daddy" Meredith says in a sarcastic and snobbish manner and I have to stop myself from wrapping my hand around her throat squeezing until I hear the satisfying crunch of her windpipes or she apologises. Whichever comes first, and I have no idea where this possessiveness has come from.

"No she's an orphan." Baily says shamefully and everyone looks pained.

"Medical proxy" I think Izzy asked. "That would be her sister. Died two years ago" baily says and the pain In the room increases.

"She has no husband or partner or anything" Christina kinda laughs and I growl silencing her.

"No queeny- queen is single" Bailey stutters as I send her death glares "so she has no one..." she trails off.

"She has me" I say and before anyone can stop me not that they could I am by her side. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. How could I have ever missed it.