Left In The Dark

Chapter 15

“He sounded like an amazing man.” Gabrielle commented.

I wasn’t sure when it happened but my face was streaming with tears. God. I shook my head and stood to my feet. Wiping my face, I began collecting my things. Retelling our relationship was more painful than retelling the story of getting my brain bashed in. I needed to leave. I didn’t even bother to really provide a response to what Gabrielle said. She stood to her own feet, swiping her skirt.

“Uh well, thanks for sharing that with me Beyoncé.” She replied.

I simply nodded while heading out. I opened her door and could hear her wanting to say something else.

“I’ll see you next we-“

She was interrupted with the closing of the door behind me.
~~~~~~

I couldn’t get home fast enough. Once inside my home, I immediately peeled off all my clothes on the way to my room—leaving a trail of my outfit scattered around. In my drawer, I grabbed that old shirt I found that belonged to Shawn. I put it on and curled up into a ball on my bed. Sinking my head into the collar, I cried my heart out as all those memories of him all it me at once. All those times we made love. We covered every inch of this house. He made it his mission to fulfill every sexual need and fantasy that I had. I wish he was here right now to do it all again. Crippling waves of aches and fatigue stabbed at my body. Feeling completely hollowed out once my tears finally subsided, my phone began to ring. I poked my head out of my self-made cocoon and heave a heavy sigh. It was Kelly, I realized after hearing the caller ID. I didn’t feel up to chatting but I knew ignoring her would only elicit more calls and an unwelcomed visit. Harassment was Kelly’s mean of persuasion. I rolled over to the other side of the bed and answer it right as the voice mail was about to pick up. Quickly I sucked up any residual tears and cleared my throat. I didn’t want her to know I was crying.

She had called to remind me about our agreement with the whole dating thing. I rolled my eyes while listening to her listing off all the reasons I needed to call Lazaro today. She made sure not to leave out the fact that I had been completely brush off-ish to him since the day he stepped foot into our gallery. Personally I saw nothing wrong with it. In my opinion, it would be leading him on by going out with him. To me, that was doing more harm than being honest in the first place. I don’t want to do this. Especially, since I have no interest in not only in him, but in dating all together. I can’t even fathom loving another man the way I loved Shawn. There was really no point to this besides getting Kelly off my case and out of my love life. We went back and forth in this debate when Kelly reiterated my promise and agreement to the 3 dates.

I growled. “Fine Kelly, fine!”

“I don’t know why you tryna weasel out of it all of a sudden.” Kelly went on to criticize. “Don’t be backin’ out your word now.”

Shawn was what changed my mind. These therapy sessions and the direction they have been going in lately were wearing on me. How I longed for the easy going conversations about art and what my favorite novel was. Though I was forewarned about its difficulty, actually dealing with the brunt of my depression proved to be too much.

“I’m not.” I softly responded.

“Good! Do you still need me to be there when you call him… which you will do tonight?” She sternly asked.

Her voice was more commanding than suggestive.

“Uh, sure yeah.” I answered half-heartedly.

“Okay, I’ll be over in a few.” She said before we hung up.

I sat up right, looking at the tear-stained shirt I was in. I gripped the hem and caressed it with the pad of my thumb. Sharply I inhaled, drying my wet eyes.