would you have me?

CHAPTER 2. epiphany

                                i flopped on my bed examining my afternoon. A smile crawled onto my lips. i lifted myself up and walked into my closet. i pulled out a night gown and a robe. i quickly changed and sat at my desk.

dear journal,                                        12-18-58

i'm lost. completely dumbfounded. how
can i be so confused? Chris is just a friend, so then why do i feel so jealous? is this jealousy? she's literally perfect. she seems to have everything together. i have my shit together, right? of course i do... well maybe not. i don't know. ugh. why does my heart hurt? i feel like squealing and crying. i'll probably have everything pulled together by tomorrow. i'll probably see you then.

i say probably because i'm never constant with my updates. i heard a small knock on my door. i quickly hid my journal and watched my mother enter my room.

"so how was your study session?" she brushed off the wrinkles on my bed before sitting down.

"good." i smiled.

"good." she looked around.

"so, earlier when i walked in, you two seemed to be doing much more then studying." she raised her eyebrows.

"oh we were taking a break." i chuckled off the awkwardness.

"ahh...well, you've got exams coming up, so breaks don't seem to be like an option anymore." she stood up and walked to the door frame.

"we want you to be studying for the rest of the weekend." she crossed her arms.

"yes ma'am." agreeing seemed to be my only option at this point. she walked over to kiss the top of my head.

"get some sleep, dear." she said before closing the door. stress was relieved from my chest. i didn't know what i was going to tell chris. i sighed and got under the covers. before turning off the lights i thought about the past 10 hours as if it had been an amazing dream. just a dream. i then turned off the lights as slowly fell asleep. i could still smell the sugar cookies that came off of chris.

that night i didn't really sleep. my mind was fixated on any and everything. maybe i was stressed about exams. i couldn't really tell you. 

the next morning wasn't any better. i woke up around nine. i walked downstairs to hear my mother complaining on the phone.

"what do you mean you have to reschedule on sending out the flowers?" i had walked past her into the kitchen to make some toast.

"can i speak to terry then?" my mother requested. terry owned the florist shop in town. we normally buy from him for special occasions. chet was at the table with father. he was reading the morning paper.

"good morning, virginia." i hated when they used my 'real' name. it just didn't sound right. the worst part is they know i prefer being called ginny. i'm grateful when they do remember, but lately it seems to be swept under the rug.

"good morning, father." i gave him a kiss on the cheek and continued making breakfast. i could hear my mother's heels approach the kitchen.

"terry had to reschedule on sending out the flowers." she said and rummaged through her bag.

"why is that, dear?" my father put down the paper to focus on my mother.

"i'm not completely sure, but he said i could pick them up later today." she found a twenty dollar bill and walked back to the phone.

"why does mom need flowers?" chet asked before taking a sip of his orange juice.

"the christmas party-" strange enough my toast had popped up once when he said that.