Shadows and Stars: A Darker Love ✔

Chapter Thirty One

I clearly ate way too much at dinner, but isn't that what Christmas Day is about? Overindulging until your stomach is ready to burst?

I sit on the sofa, sipping a cup of tea whilst Dad and Lucas enjoy a bottle of beer each. They're watching Home Alone, and although this film would never usually be up Lucas' street, he watches it nevertheless—I suppose to keep up the festivities as much as possible for Dad's sake.

     "I'm going to take a walk," I say, noticing the sky is already growing dark. "I need to walk off that delicious roast." My eyes shoot to Dad, who smiles at the compliment.

     "Sure, be careful honey," he says, taking another sip of beer. "And wrap up warm, it's cold out there."

I nod, and Lucas looks over to me, his brow slightly quirked. "Where are you going?

I roll my eyes. Is this what it's going to be like now? Lucas questioning my every move? I certainly hope not.

     "Just for a walk," I counter as politely as possible. "And to give Hailey her gift."

I turn quickly, not interested in Lucas' response. If he wants to be petty, then I'll let him.

Shoving my feet into my Converse and throwing my coat around me, I take the small bag that's sat upon the stairs and pull out Hailey's gift. I shouldn't have left it the way I did with her, not during Christmas anyway, and I know I need to clear the air between us. So giving her her Christmas gift now seems to be the best idea.

     "Tell Hailey I'll see her later," Lucas says quietly from behind me. I turn, surprised, noticing he's closed the door to the lounge so that Dad is now out of earshot. "She knows, but tell her anyway."

I sigh. "Sure. Are you staying there tonight?"

     "I am. But I'll be taking you back tomorrow."

My eyes pop. "No you won't," I breathe, mindful that Dad is only in the room next to us. "I'll get the train."

Lucas shakes his head, his tongue between his lips with frustration. "No you fucking won't Mia. I'll be making sure you get back to that house, and that you won't take some stupid detour on your way. Besides, I've already told Dad."

A rage forms inside of me, but I have to use every damned cell inside of me to reign it in. I won't ruin the end of a perfect day.

     "Fine," I hiss. "If that's how you want to be then fine. But after that, you leave me alone. And I don't want you anywhere near me during that New Year's Eve party."

I stalk out the house, not hanging back to wait for Lucas' response. I can't be dealing with him right now. I've had too nice of a day to let him destroy it with his moods.

I pull my coat around me as the cold, sea air wraps me into its arms. The waves are crashing in front of me, but it's a relaxing sound all the same, and finally I take a breath at the feel of being in my own company.

I take small strides. I know it's freezing, but I've always loved spending time on my own out here. It gives me room to think.

Yet all I can seem to think about is him.

Grayson Cooper.

The one person I shouldn't be thinking about at all.

I know I need to move on. I know I need to stop putting myself in danger by looking for him, but equally I don't feel as though we're ready to end. Not just yet. Surely something as good as what we had can't be thrown away so easily?

I wish we hadn't had ended. I wish Grayson wasn't doing what he's still doing with his life. Spending Christmas with him was something I dreamt of; the magical, festive feelings that we could have shared together and exchanging gifts next to a Christmas tree. My heart hammers at the idea of it, but slows just as quickly at the realisation that it won't happen at all.