Shadows and Stars: A Darker Love ✔

Chapter One

I used to believe that love was easy.

I used to believe that if you found yourself lucky enough to fall in love, then anything that followed after would resemble a delicate, warm breeze, with nothing that could tarnish the bond you share with your significant other. Because the strength that you have between you, is stronger than anything else that could compromise the relationship you share.

I believed that the hardest part of the process was finding that one person who matched your vibe, mirrored your energy, complimented your soul and loved you wholeheartedly without judgement. And although that's a tough enough start, I never thought that what would follow could cause as much pain as it had to me.

I guess I was wrong.

It's hard to resume life as normal when every stage of the day reminds you of the certain someone you're trying so desperately to forget; the certain someone who changed your life in so many ways. And for the better.

Every trip to the shop, every commute to work, every drink at a bar, and every song that plays in the background of a crowded nightclub just spikes bittersweet memories. And the more you try to forget, the more your heart breaks a little more than it already has.

Trying to act your normal self around others becomes an increasingly difficult task; holding back tears and forcing your lips into a smile like your life depends on it. And although most people don't see through the mask you're wearing, at the end of the day you're still consumed with exhaustion and find that the only way to ease the pain is to lie into your pillow to cry, scream, or both.

Unfortunately, this bleak, dark cycle seems to be my life at the moment. I wish I could say that it's getting easier, but it isn't—not right now.

It's been three weeks since Grayson Cooper disappeared from my life, leaving me broken and living in a world that's difficult to navigate without his presence, and although I've mustered up enough strength to continue working, take my exams and complete my studies for the term, I still feel as though every bout of energy and every last happy emotion has been ripped from the middle of me.

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     "Mia, your tea?"

Hailey pushes my mug across the kitchen countertop, and when I take a sip of the lukewarm liquid, my nose creases with disappointment.

"It's gone cold," I sigh.

"Well, I'm not surprised," Hailey says, rolling her eyes. "You've not touched it for about fifteen minutes."

"Sorry," I gulp.

     "It's not like you to not drink your tea."

     "I know," I breathe. "I'm just not feeling it today."

Hailey studies me, judging me with her heavy, green eyes. "You haven't been 'feeling it' for the past three weeks now," she mutters, taking the mug from me and pouring the contents into the sink. "You're going to shrivel to nothing if you don't eat and drink properly Mia."

"Okay, Hailey," I say firmly. "I'm aware."

"Sorry," she murmurs. "I know it's been hard for you these past few weeks, but you really need to start moving on now." She looks to the dishwater below her before continuing. "He's not coming back."

Hailey doesn't look to me when she stops speaking, washing our mugs as she stands against the sink in only her pyjamas, despite the presence of light snow outside.

I sigh, leaning against the countertop as I pull my sweater higher up my neck and soaking up her words.

      "I know," I finally admit. But it's true; Grayson isn't coming back into my life, and I need to get that fact into my head sooner rather than later.

Hailey turns, surprised, but ultimately relieved at my response. She reaches across to me, her hand covered with bubbles, and places her palm onto the lower of my arm.

     "Look, go and get ready, and we can go and pick out a Christmas tree, okay? It'll be fun!" Her eyes glisten with a prick of excitement.

I twist my lip, nodding as I take in a large breath, and eventually I turn on my heel and head up the stairs.

Thankfully, my studies are over until the new year, and I managed to get through my assessment re-sits without breaking down in the middle of the exam hall. Granted, I was lucky enough to re-sit the assessments in the first place, after Grayson telling the University that I was sick, but I just hope that I come out with decent grades after it all. I'm also glad that my Dad and Hailey haven't questioned me any further on the week I spent at Grayson's; I don't want to go into that again.

I sigh just thinking about it, but there's no way I'm telling her about Joel and the sickening blue ecstasy pill, I just can't.

I slip off my joggers—which I feel as though I've been living in recently—and pull on a pair of skinny jeans and a blue sweater. I tie my hair into a bun and sweep a light layer of powder across my face. Once I feel half-presentable, I amble back downstairs and join Hailey at the door.

"You ready?" She chimes, tying the lace of her wedged boot. As always she looks magnificent in her fur coat and black leggings.

"Yep," I say, pulling my Converses on, throwing my coat over myself and placing a winter hat onto my head. "Ready."

Aside from attending work and my exams, I've barely left the house, so when we emerge onto the snow-drizzled street and head towards the bus stop, I momentarily feel somewhat happier.

     "So there's this cute little place just a few stops down that Will told me about. They have all sorts of cute Christmas trees," Hailey tells me cheerfully.

I reach the bus stop alongside Hailey, taking a seat next to her as she sings about the range of trees we could pick from. But her chattering fizzles out when a bout of sickness forms in my stomach.

"Mia, hey? Are you okay?" Hailey asks, studying my pale face and wide eyes.

I place my hand against my stomach, my insides swirling as I'm taken aback to when Joel was sat at this exact bus stop with me—the night I so desperately want to forget.

"Y—yeah," I lie, forcing a smile onto my face. "Just a bit of a stomach ache. I'll be fine."

Hailey smiles, standing as the bus stops next to us. "Come on."

I stand weakly before climbing onboard the bus, pushing back the sickening sensation that still lingers deep within me and trying my hardest to steady my frantically beating heart. It's hard to believe that all of this happened just over a month ago.

Hailey and I take a seat towards the back. When the bus continues on its route, I find myself slightly more relaxed, watching the delicate snow dust the huge city outside.