Fields of Bone // TFATWS

20

Later in the day, the three made their way to a field surrounded by trees.

Sam took a deep breath before throwing the shield to one of the trees. It bounced off and returned to him.

"Feels weird... Picking it up again," Sam said as he tossed the shield again. It bounced off a couple trees before Bucky caught it. "The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least."

Irina nodded. "That's certainly one way to put it."

Bucky let out a sigh. "When Steve told me and Rina what he was planning, I don't think either of us understood what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield."

"How could we?" Irina added. "Sam, I'm sorry. No one is more deserving of that shield than you."

Bucky gave Irina a light smile, then turned back to Sam. "I owe you an apology, Sam. I'm sorry." He handed the shield to Sam.

Sam took the shield and replied, "Thank you."

"Whatever happened with Walker, it wasn't your fault. I get it. It's just that shield is the closest thing I've got to family. When Steve and I found Irina, she quickly became family and I soon hoped for something more. So when you retired it, it made us feel like I had nothing left."

Irina ran a hand along Bucky's shoulder before she took right hand and held it tightly.

Bucky smiled at her before he continued. "Made me question everything. You, Steve, Rina, me. You know, I've got his, uh... I've got his book. And, uh... I just figured if it worked for him, then it'd work for me. And it seems to work for Rina."

"I understand, man," Sam said. "But Steve is gone." He sighed, as did Bucky. "And this might be a surprise, but it doesn't matter what Steve thought." He threw the shield and caught it when it came back to him. "You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." He threw the shield again, but when it came back, Bucky caught it. "Let me ask you. You still having nightmares? What about you, Rina?"

Irina nodded slowly and her voice shook as she said softly, "Nearly every night. I remember what I did, meaning part of the Crimson Nyx is still inside."

Bucky glanced at her sympathetically before nodding and saying, "All the time. It means I remember. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me." He threw the shield and Sam caught it.

"You two up for a little tough love?" Sam asked and Bucky and Irina nodded. "You two want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

"I've been making amends," Bucky and Irina said.

"Nah. You two weren't amending, you two were avenging. You two were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier and the Crimson Nyx, because you both thought it would bring you closure. You two go to these people and say "sorry," because you think it'll make you feel better, right? But you two gotta make them feel better. You two gotta go to them and be of service. I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you're the only ones who can give it to 'em."

"Probably a dozen."

"That's cool. Start with one."

Irina glanced at Bucky and said softly, "And I think I know who."

Bucky nodded. "Good talk." He and Sam did a high-five handshake and Sam hugged Irina.

"You two know Karli isn't going to quit, right?" Sam said.

Bucky smacked his lips. "Ah. You call us when you have a lead, and Rina and I'll be there. Not necessarily as a team."

"Nope."