<3// Pen..Pals? //<> - (A DirkJake Fanfiction)

Conceal Don't Feel, Bottle It Up - Chapter 7

I paced around the room like a race car on a circular track, hands running through my hair, socks hitting the floor consistently, and no doubt cheeks a damn set of cherry fucking tomatoes. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this isn't how it's meant to be! Dirk, you're not supposed to fall in love with him! Which you're not doing. No. You're not.

What the hell do you even see in him? Is it the British accent or the black hair or even just the green button up? What is it? It's all not cool, Dirk. This isn't cool - you're not being a cool kid. You're not meant to fall in love with him! It wasn't meant to be like this. You would've met and if it was any other guy or if you were any other person you would be friends. Just friends. None of you would even consider anything other than a PLATONIC friendship! Yes! You're cool you can do this. You can cope. You can just bury your feelings and they'll go away. Like, Romeo and Rosaline. I just, I just need to clear my head.

Was this normal? I mean I know I like guys - fuck it, I've always known since the moment I saw the red powerranger - but WHY JAKE. I let myself take a seat on the floor. This is what the twin towers must've felt like. I'm not wandering through fucking Kansas anymore. I've sunken my little red flats into crazy ass Oz's yellow brick road.

I slipped off my glasses and placed them in front of me on the floor like it would lessen the load I carry. I contorted the features of my face in concentration. What was the logical thing to do? Be logical. Logical as a pair of 3D glasses punched out of their stuipd lenses and then wrapped around in tape at the middle. Think logical. Think logical. Think - I checked my phone. 

 There had to be someone I could tell about this. Someone who could keep secrets. Someone with lips made out of zippers that couldn't be undone. A miss. Zipperlips. 

Got it. 

Entering the iPhone's passcode and going to contacts, I couldn't help but notice the time and mentally screamed IT'S BEEN 35 HOURS SINCE THE FERRIS WHEEL, but pushed through that because that's not my biggest concern. That can't be my biggest concern. 

Fucking hell it's my biggest concern. What sort of a life do I lead to have problems about this? It's fucking nothing in comparison to other people's problems - who am I to worry about something as simple as a love interest? Simple. Yes. I bet someday someone will create an equation for love that will be used in abundance. I bet love is actually just a string of psychological knowledge. Who was I to worry? 

Still, I dialed Roxy's number. She was the  Miss. Zipperlips. 

1 tone. 

3 tones. 

7 tones. 

"I'm sorry the number that you dialed is currently unavailable." 

I let my spine fall loose and flopped onto the floor. Of course Roxy's sociable - but who the fuck would call her now?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~WELL SPEAKING OF JAKE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Roxy, no I just don't understand what's going on." 

"Wait - repeat the problem will you?" The voice on the other end was slightly slurred. In all her kind godliness, Roxy on the end of the other line sounded like she was trying to shake off a heavy one to talk to me about my own life problems. 

"Roxy, if you're still hungover or drunk you can feel free to recuperate - I suggest a lot more water than I see you intake -" 

"I am perfectly capable of making my own life choices, thank you! I will persever through this course of hangoverivity and listen to my funny sounding friend through the phone. It's not Sunday's fault I'm emotionally unprepared for my own life. Just, go over the beginning of the story again." 

"There is no beginning! Well, there is - but it's such strange gobbledygook-" A snorting laugh sounded through the phone. "- gobbledygook-" Again. "-gobbledy-" AGAIN. "Roxy if my accent is distracting I can put on another one." 

"No it's fine, sorry, just continue and avoid British words stolen from a two year old." 

"It's such strange.. STUFF. I feel as though someone's created this weird wall between me and my best friend - AFTER 3 MONTHS. Do you know if Dirk's okay?" 

"Dirk, yeah, he does this sort of thing, but, like, think real hard. Really. Scrounge your brain. Is there anything you can think of that could make him angry or sad or weird? Besides his general moodiness and angst." 

"Dirk is not angsty." 

"You'd be surprised." 

"Well - this isn't a question of angst or he'd be over it by now. It's been nearly an entire day!" The sound of consideration seeped through the phone from Roxy. 

"Just think about anything." 

"I threw water on him?" 

"That might be it." 

"Do you really think so?" 

"Well, it could be - Dirk has a tendency to be unpredictable sometimes in his feelings. Like, he bottles them out and then they hit peak, and then anything can be made a big deal about." 

"Really?" 

"Yeap. Yawp. Yatz." 

"My god! Thanks Roxy, that must be it!" 

"He'll come around, don't worry." 

"He should - shouldn't he?" 

"I can sense your already worrying. What did Mama R just say?" 

"Are you sure you and Dirk aren't siblings?" 

"None whatsoever. Now, go and live life - distract yourself from this Dirk complex. It'll pass." 

"Thanks Roxy! I um, hope that your hangover goes away!"

"I will attack it with my mental battleships, captain!" Came a laugh. "Let's just hope I can get this house party cleaned up by the time that my mother is back." 

"Good luck with that!" 

"Bye Jakey." 

"Bye, Roxy!" As I put down the phone, I felt triumphant. So it WAS THE WATER! Of course! He did seem a bit hot on the topic. Not that I was, thinking about hot and Dirk. He would cool off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~CHANGE BACK OF POV TO DIRK THE DORK (sponsored by shouting Karkat) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The phone rang. It was Roxy. I answered. 

"Holy shit, you're in love with him." Was the immediate first thing said to me on the phone.

"Better fucking believe it." 

"Shittttt."