Angel (Damiano David & Victoria De Angelis)

Chapter 3

He held onto her, his breathing slowly getting more regular again: "I want to...I really do but...but I don't know if I can..." She brushed through his now sweaty hair, placing a loving kiss on his shoulder: "You could try, Angel...it's okay if you can't do it yet but you can at least try, right?" He nodded slowly, tightening the grip around her shirt: "That first night...I...I mean when she first did it...she said she had to do it to show me. I believed her because she was way more experienced than me. I...I asked her to be gentle. She said it's not supposed to be gentle. I got scared and wanted to chicken out but she...she said she'd break up with me if I left, so I stayed.", he stopped, hesitating. "You're doing a great job...take your time, honey.", she assured him, glad that he was finally talking about those things...at least a little bit. He swallowed hard, pressing his body against hers as if touching her made everything easier for him. "She made me touch her...I didn't want to. I don't know why but I felt like it was wrong...it felt forced. I had to touch her everywhere, Vic...her...her boobs...and...and...her...", he was overwhelmed by sobs, almost making her cry as well. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Angel...but you are doing so fucking great. I can only try to imagine how hard it is to talk about this but I promise you, there is no need to stress. Cry it out, baby...that's so important.", she spoke in a calm voice, continuously rubbing his back. The way his body was trembling made him seem so vulnerable and it was extremely obvious that he wasn't holding anything back anymore. While in the beginning, he had always forced himself to hold back a bit and cry quietly, he was letting everything out now. It was hard to handle, if she was honest because his crying was so desperate and filled with pain. "I'm here, Angel...just hold onto me and I promise, it will get better.", she soothed, having to hold back her own tears.

"I'm so fucking scared, Vic...I'm scared of ruining our relationship..." She was taken aback...why would he say something like that? She pulled away a little, so she could look into his eyes. They looked dark and she couldn't see anything but pain and anxiety in them...they had lost all their vivid sparkle. But for some reason, she could still see love in them. "Baby...why do you think you'll ruin it?", she questioned, her hands now resting on his waist. He was trying to wipe the countless tears away but he couldn't even control the sobs that were constantly escaping his lips. But there was one thing that really really spoke to her...more than anything else: He was looking directly into her eyes. He took a deep breath, coughing a bit because another sob shook his body: "Look at me, Vic...just fucking look at me. I'm a fucking failure...I let all of our fans down...they hate me. And they are right. I am disgusting. I will never be able to make you proud. Whenever we go outside, I will have to hide my body to not embarrass you. I can barely do anything without you...I am clingy and a crybaby...a fucking attention whore...that's all I'll ever be. I won't ever be able to have a normal relationship with you...I know it's not normal that you have to feed me and shower me and shit like that and I am trying, I really am but I can't do those things. I just can't and who knows if I'll ever be able to do them again. And then...then, there's the fact that I will never be able to satisfy your needs...I don't know if I'll ever be able to have sex...I just don't know, Vic...and you don't know either. Let's be real...all of you would have it easier if I was dead...", and with that, he looked away, not being able to stand looking at her any longer.

Words like that hurt her more than anything else...they felt like a thousand knives through the heart. Her throat felt tight, as if someone was strangling her and her vision got blurry, though she managed to keep the tears in. "Angel...", her voice sounded broken and chocked up: "Angel, please look at me..." He did and that was the point when she couldn't hold the tears back anymore, breaking down in sobs as well: "Don't say that...please...don't ever say that again. I don't care...I...I don't fucking c-are for how long I...I need to...to shower you...a-and feed you and take care of...of you. I-I'm not embarrassed when I'm with y-you...I don't care that...that you have sc-ars. And I don't...I don't give a shit about...s-sex. All I want is to be with you...to keep you safe...a-and those...those fucking fake f-fans can go to...to hell...if I ever find them...if I ever meet...meet one of them in person, I...I will kill them. B-because they...they hurt you...and nobody...nobody is allowed to hurt you, Angel...nobody, do you...do you understand? I need you in my life...I fucking need you.", she was stuttering a lot because of all the sobs and tears. Even though she tried to be strong, sometimes she just couldn't be and strangely enough, seeing her cry seemed to do something to him because although he was still crying himself, he pulled her into his arms and tried to comfort her. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry.", he whispered shakily, his arms tightly wrapped around her. She soaked in his scent, subconsciously clinging onto him like a child. It just felt natural to be held and comforted by him...just like it felt natural to hold and comfort him when he was crying. Once again, it seemed like this embrace was needed by them both. "I'm so fucking grateful that you found out...I know it's not easy for you either...of course, I know. And I'm sorry, that I sometimes make it very hard for you...especially in the beginning. But...but for some reason I am so fucking scared of you rejecting or hating me...or...or not believing me whenever I tell you things...please forgive me.", he whispered, and though he still sounded quite shaky, she was almost certain that his tears had faded. "I understand you, Damiano...and it's okay...it really is. But hearing you say things like that...it makes me sad because you think so poorly of yourself. Of course, that's not your fault but I sometimes wish you could see yourself through my eyes. To me, you are insanely beautiful and brave and strong...and at one point, I will be able to proof that to you...I promise..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey ;)

So, it's already starting to get a little darker but prepare for the next chapters because they are gonna be heavy. I hope you like it anyway, though :)

Do you think it's important for Vic to let her feelings out as well? Even in front of Damiano? Do you think he can handle her feelings? Let me know what you think in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

- Thalia