Dirtyhands {Kaz Brekker X Reader}

VII

*For the different languages used in the Grishaverse, I found matching languages from the real world. So Kerch is actually Dutch, Ravkan is Russian, and Suli is Hindi. I don't really know any of these, I used Google Translate so the translations may not be accurate*

I can't get your touch out my head
-Tayy-

-Kaz Brekker-

Chrysanthemums.

I knew her favorite flowers were Chrysanthemums.

Every time my brother would go to Rollins' house, he picked out Chrysanthemums from the local store and always a slice of cake. I asked him countless of times why. He never told me. He just said it was something I'd understand when I was older. Through the years I never could figure out why. But now that Y/N mentioned it, it was her he brought the flowers to.

Jordie mostly kept to himself. He was ambitious and strong, he believed in allies, not friends. Out of the millions of people in Ketterdam, possibly the only person that knew him close enough to how I did was sitting in front of me.

Destiny had somehow brought her to me.

But should I tell her about this now? Information was valuable, worth just as much as Kruge here. And this could prove to be beneficial in the coming times. For now, though, I had to keep it a secret.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head. "Is this what Inej means by your 'scheming face'? What are you scheming?"

She was on to me.

Think, Kaz, think.

"I was wondering if you would... put the ointment on my forearm as well. You sliced it while you were attacking me." I blurted. I didn't realize the consequences of my words. I had never shown my arm to anyone before. I hadn't been touched there either.

"Are you sure?" She questioned, looking unsure herself.

No, I thought to myself.

My mouth betrayed me. "Yes." I said. For some reason, my brain and heart weren't cooperating. Something told me this would prove to useful in the future. Perhaps if I showed vulnerability now, I could gain her sympathy, trust, and loyalty, which would be a good investment for the future.

"Only if you're comfortable." She still looked uncertain. I nodded, but before anything could happen, there was a knock was heard on the door. I got up, thankful for the diversion, and went over and opened the door.

"I didn't know you were in here, boss." Jesper's smiling face popped in. "Here, I made this for Y/N, hand it to her, will you?"

"Is there one for me?" I asked, looking at the one glass in his hands.

"Ooh, no I didn't make one, sorry-" Jesper apologized.

"It's fine." I replied curtly, shutting the door on his face. I walked back inside with the glass in my hand. "Never once has Jesper offered me a drink." I gritted, setting the glass down on the table next to her bed. She laughed, picking it up. She took a sip and then set it back down.

I could feel her breath hitch as I started to pull my sleeve up. She was as nervous as I seemed to be. My arm was clean except for the dried blood from the wound. My tattoos were now visible to her. I didn't realize, but my hands trembled slightly, being so close to another person, and I could feel the sweat gathering on my forehead. But she noticed my discomfort.

"You don't have to-"

"I just want to get this over with." I interrupted. I didn't want her pity. I could do this.