Harry trudged down the road cursing, rubbing his scraped palms together, his knees and shins stinging. That's the last piece of unknown booty he would ever plunder. Best to stick to the Hoes of Hogwarts, they were a known entity and he would be on his own turf. Sure, the school stood in ruin, but he could take advantage of the mess and confusion to find the vulnerable ones, those frightened girls with their wide wet eyes and wider asses. He had defeated Voldemort after all, why shouldn't he claim the spoils?
Harry kept walking, trying to tuck and smooth out his clothes as he went. He had left his shoes back at Cantaloupe's room, and the gravel was digging into the pads of his feet. He wished he could remember a spell to produce some bloody shoes. If Hermione was here...
Ah Hermione, the silly cunt had flown off with her wannabe Death Eating ginger hero. If he ever saw either of them again...he heard the fibers of his wand crackling as he squeezed it. He made himself let go before he snapped the bloody thing.
A low rumble brought him out of his dark thoughts and drew his attention up the road. A car was coming. Harry quickly stuck one thumb out, then hesitated. What if it was the big Auror behind the wheel, riding up and down the roads looking for him?
Well, since the last thing his daughter had screamed was that her dad was now a shaggy little dog, he would have a bit of trouble reaching the pedals.
Harry smiled darkly, raising his thumb higher.
Hogwarts, your hero is coming.
2
The driver of the vehicle turned out to be an old Muggle, Harry got in thanking him profusely. The man waved his hand in a friendly dismissal and they puttered away.
"Where are your shoes, young man?"
The old guy had a light effeminate voice, his grey hair brushed back in a frizzy poof.
"Er, I lost them in some brush back by the road." Harry replied.
The old man giggled, and kept looking down at Harry's feet. He seemed a tad creepy, but a ride was a ride.
"Oh your poor feet" he said. "You got them all bruised and dirty. I could pull over to a petrol station and wash them for you, if you'd like."
"Er...no thanks." Harry said.
"Oh it would be no problem, young man. I'd love to help you."
Yeah I bet, Harry thought. The old weirdo was paying more attention to Harry's feet than the road. His tongue was touching his top lip like a pink lizard.
"It's okay, really. The ride is help enough. I'll get in the shower when I get to school."
Damn, he shouldn't have given the pervert more mental ammunition.
"Alright son, whatever you say."
They rode in silence for a few miles, Harry squirming in his seat and trying to draw his feet under the seat and out of the man's libinous gaze.
And then...
"I'll give you 100 pounds to let me jizz on your feet!" the man blurted.
Harry sat up like a bolt, coughing harshly.
"What the fuck!"
"Oh please. I'll just pull over, you can put your handsome feet on the seat for me, and I'll tug my cock for about a minute and drop my ooze on your toes. Easiest 100 pounds you'll ever.."
Harry didn't hear the rest, he's was already out of the car and jogging away.
"PLEASE LET ME CUM ON YOUR TOES! I GAVE YOU A RIDE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT!!"
The man accelerated and started to follow Harry down the road. He's fucking crazy!
Hexing him was out of the question, he being a Muggle. That would put him in hot water with the Ministry, assuming they were still operational.
The bumper of the car was almost at his heels now. The old fuck was going to run him down, and maybe spray his spunk on his dead bloody feet. He had to get off the road.
Harry dove into a nearby ditch just as the creep had punched the gas, missing him by inches.
He landed rough on his elbows and knees, his glasses flying off and into some weeds.
Oh fuck it all!
He patted the weeds quickly, hearing the whine of the vehicle as it reversed toward him.
"I'M COMING FOR THOSE TEN TOES MY LITTLE BEAUTY! YOU BET!"
Goddamit! This lunatic was really meant to run him over like a wild opossum.
Harry whipped out his wand.
"Accio glasses!" he yelled.
His spectacles flew from the tall weeds and back onto his face, one lens was cracked badly.
Fucking bastard.
The car was almost on him now, the foot fetish freak grinning behind the wheel like a Japanese Kamikaze.
"AVADA KEDAVRA" Harry screamed, the spell jetting from his wand and shattering the windshield. He dove out of the way a second time as the car crashed into the ditch, it's rear end flying up into the air and back down again.
Oh fuck, Harry thought, what did I do?
The car laid nose down in the ditch and smoking, it's rear wheels still spinning.
Harry crept up to the car with dread, craning his neck to peer in through the front glass, itself still crackling and falling.
The old guy was leaned back in his seat, his eyes fixed on a point across the galaxy, his mouth frozen in surprise. The killing curse had hit him right between the eyes, the spot was still sizzling with a green glow.
Oh shit, you've done it now Harry.
3
Two hours and another ride later, Harry was back in the city without incident. He he left the dead muggle where he laid, and was sure that the Ministry had already dispatched Aurors to track him down. He decided to lay low in the No-Maj neighborhoods and try to blend in with the common folks, picking up a jacket and a non-descript cap that he bought from a street vendor. The man had looked queerly at the gold coin Harry produced, but pocketed it anyway with a wink.
He walked down a side street, popping his collar high and pulling his hat down to his eyebrows. If anybody the Ministry found him way out here, he would not go out peacefully. He had been through too much. If it wasn't for his own destruction of Voldemort, they would all be dead anyway, which he would remind them of first chance.
A wooden sign above him announced that Charley's Pub was near, so he found the door and dipped inside.
