Together they lurked through a maze of dark tunnels, turning left and right seemingly at random.
Harry hoped Hermione knew where she was going. He felt like a rat.
The going was pitch-dark, even the light from their wands did little to help.
Every so often she would stop to get her bearings, and Harry would run into her, bumping her tight bum.
"Okay, NOW you are just doing it on purpose!"
"I swear I'm not! I can't bloody see anything, can I?"
"I'll let you know before I stop next time, okay?"
It was hot down here, they were both on edge.
He ventured a shot.
"It's not that bad, is it?"
"What?"
"Me touching your.."
"Not now, Harry. I don't want to talk about it!"
"Aw come on, Hermione. We can't pretend like nothing ever happened."
"Oh I'm sure we'll have a long discussion about it. Just not now. I'm worried about Ron is all."
"It's okay. Me too."
They took a sharp left and downhill, having to be careful on the slick footing.
"Umm."
"What now, Harry?"
"I just wanna...uh.."
"You want to know how big you are, don't you! I can't believe it. All guys ask the same things!"
"Wait. All guys? Just how many.."
"Forget it."
"No, hold on. Just how big is your experience for comparison?"
"None of your business!"
"Bloody hell. I thought you were a virgin!"
"I am! I..was. Mostly."
"Mostly?"
"There ARE other holes you know."
"Oh God."
"Look, if I tell you will you drop it?"
"Yeah. Sure."
"Bigger than Draco, smaller than Hagrid"
"What the fuck! Ouch!"
Harry smacked his head on a stone arch.
"I think we're here." she said.
It was true. They climbed a small ladder that opened a trapdoor in the Shrieking Shack itself.
As soon as they were both out, a hex exploded just beside them, showering them with hot sparks.
"Oh shit! Someone is attacking us!"
They both ducked for cover behind a thick table, wands drawn.
"Who is it?" a voice yelled.
"It's Harry Potter and Hermione! Hold your fire damnit!"
A cloaked figure stepped out from the doorway, it's wand still pointed in their direction.
"It's a Death Eater!" he whispered to her harshly.
"Oh no! What have you done with Ron?"
The figure laughed.
"You shouldn't have come!"
"Why not?"
He tossed back his hood, revealing a tousel of ginger locks and a freckled complexion.
"Because I AM Ron."
They stood up.
"What the fuck Ron? You almost hexed us!"
"Who said it was an accident?"
Hermione tried to run to him, but Harry snatched her wrist, holding her back.
"Ron, you've gone too far." he hissed.
"Oh, too far you say? Like, all the way?"
"Give it up, mate! It was just a moment of passion! Things happen when people are under a lot of stress."
Ron belly laughed.
"I've been under STRESS for 7 years, man! I haven't got as much as a handjob! But here comes Mr. Chosen One riding in with his sexy scar and his cock up, and she opens up like a library book!"
"That's not fair!" Hermione screamed.
Ron shook his head.
"You shouldn't have come. You're both in danger."
Harry sneered.
"From what?"
Ron flashed his inner forearm. It was the Dark Mark, except looked like it was drawn hastily with magic marker.
Harry bellowed.
"That's not real, you pathetic twit!"
"It's REAL! I'm a Death Eater now!"
"Oh yeah, well I'm a Girlfriend Eater!"
Ron's eyes flashed lethally.
"That's it mate. I'm gonna kill you."
"Ron NO!"
Harry squared off with him, pushing Hermione to the side.
"Let's go, ginger."
They paced, following each other in circles.
Hermione drew her wand from her knees, pointing it at Ron.
His face darkened.
"That's how it's gonna be, huh?"
"It doesn't have to be like this."
"The cuckolder and his whore."
"Ron please don't make me." she begged.
Harry kept his wand ready, steady. The look on Ron's face told him that he was going for a very nasty spell. Maybe even a killing curse.
This was going to happen quick.
Hermione was bawling, her aim was shaking.
Ron licked his lips.
"Say hello to Dumbledore."
"Ron.."
"...and Sirius."
Harry flinched. Ron took the lapse to launch his spell, Harry fired his a millisecond after. Hermione followed suit, more out of surprise than anything.
Curses flew in triple arcs.
Hermione's blue spell intercepted Ron's green spell, and they exploded with a blinding flash. Harry didn't see his spell land, but he knew it did when he heard Ron's body hit the floor.
"Oh NO RON!"
She ran to him, lifting up his head, her long hair covering his face like a shroud.
"You killed him!!"
"It wasn't a killing spell, stupid. Unlike the one HE fired at ME."
"What was it?"
"He's just stupified, for fuck sake."
"Oh ROOON! My poor baby!"
Harry couldn't believe it. That red-headed fucker had cast Avada Kedavra at him, if Hermione's spell hadn't caught it in midair, he would be lying dead right now. But she's crying over HIM, like he's the victim!
Ron started stirring.
Harry wanted to run over and kick him square in the balls.
Hermione saw the look on his face, and pulled Ron into a protective embrace.
"Don't you DARE! Haven't you done enough!"
"Excuse me? If I recall correctly I didn't exactly RAPE you! You know what? You two belong together, you're both fucking lunatics!"
"Go away Harry!"
"Enjoy your precious new Death Eater, you crazy bitch!"
Harry stormed away, his teeth grinding like colliding icebergs.
He had to get out before he was tempted to launch a few killing curses of his own.
