Full Throttle

Aftershock

I woke up in a different room. This one had a soft light coming in from the window next to the bed that I was in. A beeping sound pulsed through the air, and I noticed that I could now turn my head as the support blocks were gone. I guessed that meant that my spine was fine. I saw a drip off to my left, and next to that, a chair with my bag on it. I reached over, not quite making it. I tried again, grunting in the effort and clasping my fingers around the hook at the top. I pulled it onto me and took out my phone.
17.02pm
The race would be over by now. My eyes danced over the vast number of messages that were in my notifications. I logged into Instagram and pressed the option to go live. It was only then I saw how dreadful I looked. I was paler than I normally was, and I half looked like a ghost. The number of viewers started increasing rapidly, and the messages at the bottom of the screen flooded in. Names of my fellow racing drivers popped up on the screen, followed by messages like 'Thank God you're alright'.
"Heya guys, I know I look like shit. I've actually just woken up. Thinking about it, I should probably let somebody know that I am, in fact, conscious," I laughed. As if on cue, my door opened, and in came a nurse.
"Oh, you're awake! We were wondering when that was going to happen. You ha- are you doing an Instagram live?"
"I can end it if it's an issue," I said.
"Oh no, it's not an issue. I'll go and fetch the doctor and he'll tell you what happened. One second." She walked back out of the room. I put the phone camera back onto me and pulled face. "Thought I was in trouble there, guys."
The door swung open again and a doctor walked in.
"Good afternoon, Jessie. Um, you might want to end the live for now, I am about to tell you some pretty important information and I don't know if you want it out on the internet," he warned. I checked the chat and read Charles' message, agreeing with the doctor about ending the live. I said a quick goodbye and said that I'd do another one later and then ended it, putting my phone on my stomach.
"You can raise the top bit of the bed so you're sitting up, if you want."
"Oh, thanks."
"Right, so. I'm not going to beat around the bush, you had a small heart attack which was caused by a huge amount of stress. Everything looks okay with all of that now. In terms of your injuries from the crash, they are minimal, I am very glad to say-"
"Will I be able to race again?"
"I- yes, but let's not think about that ri-"
"Brilliant. When can I leave?"
"Well, hang on a moment, we'd like to keep you in overnight for observation. You did just have a heart attack, and although it was a small one, I don't think, in my professional opinion, that you should race for a while. It could put strain on your heart. You're very lucky that you're fitter than a fiddle, otherwise the heart attack would have probably been bigger. "
"If I don't race, and I don't train, I won't be 'fitter than a fiddle', and so there' more chance I would have a heart attack that worse, but if I do race, and I do train, I could have another heart attack that's the same. Is that right?"
"Yes, but again," he said, holding up a hand to stop me from speaking, "we would like to keep you in overnight for observation, and then, if everything is okay, you can go home. But you will have to have regular check-ups for two to three months."
"How regular is 'regular'?"
"Twice a month."
"Right," I said, processing all of the information that had just been given to me.
"Also, Jessie, I do recommend seeing a therapist. Your trainer, Nick, told us about what you were saying, and the memory of your brother is pretty traumati-"
"I don't need therapy."
"Maybe consider it, okay?"
"I'll consider it."
"Okay, good. Now, because of your unique profession, and how much you travel, you are going to need a copy of your health records to take with you until you don't need to have any more check-ups. That means that you take them whenever you're abroad, and you book appointments on time. I've told Nick that if you don't, he needs to do it for you and he needs to make sure that you go."
"Okay."
"Right. Good. I shall leave you now. Ring that bell if you need anything."
"Thank you."

After sitting for a while and just enjoying the peace, I opened my phone and started another live. The viewers went up and I decided to come clean about what had happened with the crash and what the doctor had told me. Amongst the viewers were Daniel, Max, Lando, Charles, Pierre, Alex, Lance, and Carlos.
"Hello again!"
I saw the name David Croft pop up on my viewers list.
"Oh, hiya Crofty! I hope I didn't give you too much of a fright today, sorry if I did. I know that I'm your favourite driver," I joked, "Yeah guys, I'm alright. I just want to explain what happened with the crash and what the doc has just told me. I feel like it's only fair for you guys to know what's going on. So, with the crash, the brakes failed, and I was going at quite a speed, to be fair. Then, the crash, I think that if you saw it then I don't have to go into any explanation about it. Just if you've got that morbid curiosity that I know I'd have; yes, it did hurt and yes, the world did kind of slow down before I realised what was actually happening. Um, I had scans and tests at the hospital here, spine and everything is good, but, and there is a but, I did have a small heart attack after getting here. I am completely fine and I'm staying here overnight to be monitored. I can race again, and so I will be getting back as soon as possible. Don't miss me too much, guys," I flashed a quick smile as I finished talking and read some of the questions in the chat. Most of them were asking why I had a heart attack.
"The heart attack. Right, um, oh hey, Nick! Hang on guys, my trainer has just come in." I turned the camera towards him, and he gave a little wave.
"You good?" he asked.
"Yeah, I feel fine. They're asking about the heart attack." I turned the camera back to me.
"You don't have to tell them if you don't want to."
"I think I'm going to tell them."
"Okay," Nick said, sitting down in the chair next to my bed.
"Oh, have you called dad?"
"Yeah, he's worried, obviously, but he knows that you're okay."
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath and addressing the people on the live again. "So, why did I have a heart attack? Let's, um, let's start at the beginning here. So, if you remember, in Australia at the start of the season some questions were asked about my brother. Dylan was 3 years older than me, and last year he, um, he passed away in a car accident. I watched the accident happen, and I was the first one to get to him afterwards. In the ambulance on the way here, I asked to watch the video of my crash. My crash looked very similar to Dylan's. I've always, um, struggled with his death. We were very close, he raced as well, and he was just amazing; an amazing brother, amazing person, just great to be around. I realised in the hospital that I now knew what he felt like during his crash, the pain and everything, and it hurt. It hurt a lot, and all of that kind of just crashed down on me and it caused me to have a heart attack. So, yeah. Now you know." I bit back tears as Nick squeezed my hand.
"In terms of the future and racing, um, I don't know what the plan is. If I'm honest, I don't know what's going on at all anymore."
"I'm going to speak to her doctors," Nick added in, and I turned the camera to him, "and I'm going to figure out the best course of action in regard to her training and obviously we'll be in contact with the team, and we'll make sure to update all of you guys whenever we can."
"Yeah. Anyway, thank you guys for joining. I'm going to end the live now because I'm really fucking tired and just want to sleep," I chuckled. "Oh, I'll post another poll soon and you guys can decide again what colour I dye my hair next, and yes, I will be streaming when I get home. I'll do a few streams of the F1 game and everything, but feel free to message me and suggest content for my stream and I'll do my best to read and reply to everyone. Thanks guys!" I ended the stream.

Nick drove me back home the next day and then went up the next day to bring my car back for me. My dad and I cried for a while when I got back, but I assured him that I was fine and that there wasn't anything to worry about. My crash was all over the newspapers, and what I'd said in my live was printed in the columns. Franz had called me, telling me that there was no rush for me to get back to racing and that I should take my time, but I insisted that I would be fine, and I told him that I would be resuming my training in 2 days. Katie and other members of the team had called me, and a lot of flowers were sent to me in my PO Box, as well as various other gifts from my fans. I took the time to make a video thanking them all and posted it on all of my socials. My body was so stiff and sore, and bruises had started to come up. They were hideous, all purple and blue, but it was better than broken bones. I was sitting on the sofa after just having made myself a cup of tea when the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it!" I yelled, heaving myself up. I opened the door.
"Hey, Jess."
I slammed the door.
"No, Jess, wait-"
I took a breath and opened the door again.
"Don't you fucking call me Jess," I snarled. "What the fuck do you want?"
"I just wanted to ask you if you were okay."
"Oh, so now you care? You didn't fucking care when you said all of that shit about me to the fucking press. Do you have any idea what that caused? Do I have to show you the messages that I got from people? Do me a favour, Beth, and fuck off. I have been doing so much better now that I'm past that shitty part of my life that you caused. I am not staying in contact with someone who has the fucking audacity to say what you said. Get the fuck away from my house. Goodbye, Bethany." I slammed the door in her shocked face and turned around to see dad.
"I was going to tell you off for using that language in the house, but good on you. Now, go back and sit down before your tea gets cold, eh?"

The 2 days that I spent resting and spending time with dad passed quickly, and I soon found myself at the ticket barriers at the exit of London Liverpool Street Station. I heard somebody shout my name and I took my headphones off and looked to my left to see Lando and George running towards me. They enveloped me in their arms, and I let out a hiss of pain as they hit the bruises on my back. They pulled away, checking if I was okay.
"I'm fine, don't worry," I laughed, swatting away their hands.
"God, when the race got red flagged and I drove past the wreck and saw that it was you and saw all of the paramedics around you when you were laying on the floor, my heart just dropped. I thought the worst," George said.
"When I saw them pulling you out of the car, how limp your body was, I, fuck, I can't even," Lando teared up. I gave them both a hug.
"Well, I'm okay, so let's not worry anymore, okay? Now let's get to the gym before we get our arses handed to us for being late."
We talked the entire way there and I received a hug from both John and Aleix.
"Right. Boys, you're going to do the normal shit. Jessie, I'm afraid you'll have to take it slow, we aren't going to get you to do much at all. You'll be walking on the treadmill at an incline and maybe doing some lights weights but that's about it; we can't take any risks after what happened," Aleix said.
"I understand," I said, "and I don't object because my entire body hurts like a bitch anyway."
My body hurt even more by the end of training, not from actual exercise, if you could even call it that, but from laughing at the boys being pushed to their limits. I found it hilarious, they, on the other hand, did not.
"We're going to get you back, you know that, right?" Lando said threateningly.
"And risk me having another heart attack? You wouldn't dare."